Dear diary,
A whole week has passed since we arrived to the house. Not really much has happened. The forest has remained quiet and we have been living off the wildlife around here. Hunting deer with my rifle and grabbing water from the river to boil with my propane stove.
For now, everything has been going well. But I feel like something bad will happen.
I haven't forgotten my sins. No, I will never forget. My inability to save Matilda and my pathetic will. I know I'm not going to heaven, I'm going to hell. But if I'm going down… those creatures will come with me. They may have been human before their infection, but their suffering won't stop if I don't put an end to this.
In the past week, I have been studying about this virus. It takes over the brain, using it as its host. It doesn't need our eyes nor our nose. It is hyper sensitive around sound. They also have razor sharp fangs, able to bite through hard materials. Including our skull.
I don't want Amy to be involved in my selfish plans. I am planning to go find the cure. It said it in the files. There is a cure in the headquarters of that weird place. It is in New York though, and I don't know how I will get there.
I know, I know... this may be selfish of me, but I want to hand Amy to somebody. A large group of people. Somebody that she can trust. I have only been a burden to her mental health, even though I have saved her multiple times she has been depressed these past few days.
My spirit will never be broken. It won't. It never will.
I'm planning on wiping this planet clean of trash like them. I want revenge. For Matilda's death, for them hurting Amy, and for them separating everybody from their families.
Tomorrow, I will go explore outside. I want to find one of those outposts I heard on the radio about. I will first go to see and then I will bring Amy. I need to evaluate if they are trustworthy.
I don't know if this is the right thing to do. I'm not somebody that believes in God too much, but these past days I have been praying that we get by safely. I don't want to see any more death.
I think that God has lost faith in us… but I won't lose hope. Losing hope is a death wish, and they better kill me to ruin my hopes.
I wanna live, I don't want to die. I want to find somebody I can love. I want to have a child. I want to raise a child. I want to see my child grow up and become a part of society. I want to experience my first time having sex. I want to experience my first time getting married.
Why must I be stripped of all these privileges...
It's not fair... For fuck's sake. This shit hole of a planet is ruined. I have prayed and prayed but it doesn't want to work...
I don't care anymore... I just want revenge...
I don't care what happens to me, I just want the future to be a sweet place every individual could enjoy. Even if I may not be as handsome as everybody wants. Even if I am not as tall as everybody wants. Even if I'm not as strong as everybody wants. Even if the world hates me.
I will get back at the creatures. I will make them pay.
They will pay... They will pay...
All the stress they have done on me...
All the pain they have caused me...
All the moments they have ruined...
All the families they have killed...
All the blood that has spattered on the ground due to them...
I will make them pay... with my own two fucking hands...