Break was finally here, but that image was still vivid in my head. Every time I looked in the mirror the the image reappeared, the feelings I felt on that day filled my heart and shaking them off was impossible. A sin such as that made my heart beat.
"Are you ready Hoon?" Mom knocked at my door, "yes ma, I'll be out in a second!" I replied as I quickly grabbed my stuff and walked out. "Let's go your father is waiting for us," she said. Today was the first week of Grace and Worsip, and maybe I do need to go pray to the lord about my situation right now.
As we entered the church, the familiar scent of incense enveloped me. The solemn atmosphere seemed to magnify the turmoil within. I couldn't shake the vivid memories of that forbidden kiss, the clash between my burgeoning feelings and the teachings of the church haunting my thoughts.
Grace and Worship week unfolded, each prayer and hymn resonating with the conflict in my heart. The sacred rituals meant to bring solace felt like a battleground where my internal struggles played out. It became increasingly challenging to reconcile my personal emotions with the religious teachings that had shaped my upbringing.
During a particularly introspective sermon, I found myself questioning the rigidity of the beliefs that had governed my life. Was it truly a sin to love someone? The internal dialogue intensified, and I grappled with the notion of divine judgment versus the authenticity of my own feelings.
One evening, as the church was bathed in the soft glow of candles, I knelt in prayer. The words I uttered were no longer scripted; they were raw and filled with the genuine plea for guidance. "Lord, help me understand my heart. If love is a sin, show me the way to redemption. If not, grant me the strength to accept and embrace it."
After I stepped a foot outside to get some fresh air, no matter how hard I try to let go and understand It suffocates me more. I sat on the bench outside the church the cold breeze of winter hitting me in the face. It was nice to have some peace and quiet for once In my life.
"What worries your heart my son?" A voice said from a distance, I turned to look and it was the Priest. I slightly smiled and shook my head, "Don't be scared to tell me your worries child, I'm here to assure you that you're are with god." "So tell me son, what sorrows your heart child?"
"I find myself torn, Father," I began, the weight of my confessions pressing on me. "I've experienced emotions that conflict with the teachings of our faith. Love, or what I believe to be love, has entered my heart, yet it feels like a sin."
The priest listened attentively, his expression a mix of compassion and understanding. "Love is a powerful force, my child. It can be both a source of strength and a test of faith. Tell me more about these conflicting emotions that trouble your heart."
As I poured out my inner struggles, the priest offered words of wisdom and comfort. He spoke of the complexities of the human heart, the evolving understanding of love, and the importance of seeking a balance between personal truth and religious teachings.
"The path to redemption is often found in the journey of self-discovery and understanding," the priest shared. "You must discern the nature of your emotions and find a way to align them with the teachings of our faith. Seek guidance in prayer, and may the grace of the Lord illuminate your path."
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One evening when we were coming back from grace and worship mom and dad sat me down in the living room to have a conversation.
"The Priest told us something Hoon," mom started, "what is it?" I asked neverouly, "he told us your profes," dad chimed in. Mom took a big sigh, "he told us in the near future you are bound to face misfortune because of the guilts you hold in your heart son." She stated, "he also told us the struggles you're facing, he also said that all of this is happening because of a certain someone. Do you know who?" Dad asked.
I fidgeted my fingers nervous and wondering whether I should tell them the truth or not.
I shook my head, "I don't father." I replied my head facing down, "Don't worry son, if you keep praying and listening to gods words all these stuff will come to past." Mom reassured me as she patted my back.
I got up from my seat and went into my room. How long will I have to hold on to this guilt of my mine.
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Third pov:
A slap flew across Sang-Mins face, his father breathed heavily as Min stood there with tear drops in his eyes. "How could you break up with her, do you know how this project was important to me!" His father shouted, "You are a worthless piece of shit!" Min whipped his tears, "is that all you care about father?" "IS MONEY MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR SON'S HAPPINESS!" He yelled, "I've done and everything in my power to do everything you liked. I got good grades, I was first in everything, I dated all those useless people you set me up with but,… I'm still nothing in your eyes." He cried.
"You can't even accept the fact that I've found the one that makes me happy, someone who I care for." He sniffed, "you disgust me, how dare you say that in front of me!" His father exclaimed, "that's not love son, that's a sin you're committing. Loving a man is forbidden in human kind," he added. "So now love is forbidden? What happened to 'Love is Love' does love have its limits now?" "But doesn't matter, all I know is that we can't control who we fall in love with. I just want to let you know that my Love for him will never be a sin father!" He proclaimed.
"I don't care if I burn in hell for eternity, my feelings for him will never change!" He said as he walked out of his father's office. "NO SON OF MINE WILL BE GAY UNDER MY ROOF!" His father shouted, "Find me this boy asap!" He demanded.
Sang-Min stormed out of his father's office, the echoes of the heated confrontation lingering in the air. Tears stained his cheeks as he navigated the cold corridors of the luxurious estate that had been his home. The weight of his father's disapproval and the realization of the emotional sacrifices he had made for the sake of societal expectations bore down on him.
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Has-Joon pov
One afternoon as I was checking the mail I saw a letter for me, I hid it in my pocket and opened it once I got into my room.
I opened the letter and it read:
Meet me at my condo I want to talk you,
Think about it before you come. I want to have a little moment with you, I really miss you Joon I also want to apologize for last time.
From: Sang-Min
"Just when I'm starting to figure things out you write to me," I mumbled placing the letter back in the envelope. What was I supposed to do, ignore the letter and move on with my day or think about it and got meet him?
I spent all night thinking about it and I finally made up my mind. The next morning when mom and dad was getting ready to go to church I lied myself out of it and stayed home. But I wasn't really staying home, I waited until the afternoon to get ready and leave and go meet Sang-Min.
To be continued