The past few days I locked myself in my room and didn't leave. Mom tried everything to get me out but I didn't budge, I was tired of all of this. I was tired of my heart, feelings, dad, but mostly I was tired and hated thinking about him constantly. Locking myself in the room felt like hell, it was like every second that passed the stupid charming smile of his will appear and then words from dad echoed in my head every time he appeared.
What was I going to do? Kill myself. Maybe that was the better way to handle all of this, if I died I wouldn't feel for him anymore and maybe mom and dad wouldn't have to worry about having a sinner son. But that wasn't the case I didn't want to die or not feel for him, I wanted him I wanted to see him.
That evening as mom and dad went to sleep, I pulled on my warmest clothes and snuck ouy the window. I walked for miles and miles until I found myself outside of Sang-Mins condo with the hope that he was there.
taking a deep breath before knocking. The door swung open, revealing Sang-Min, his eyes widened in surprise. "Hae-Joon?" he uttered, clearly caught off guard.
"I needed to see you," I confessed, the weight of my emotions hanging in the air. Sang-Min's gaze softened, a mixture of concern and curiosity evident. Without waiting for an invitation, I stepped inside, the warmth of his living room offering a stark contrast to the chilly night.
As we faced each other, the unspoken complexities of our connection hung in the air. "I can't stop thinking about you," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "Ever since that day I left your condo I got into an argument with my dad and with results I locked myself up in my room for days." "But that didn't do anything to help, it just made me feel more empty and guilty. But I feel more guilty for coming to see you tonight, but I just can't control my feelings!" I told him.
I grabbed his hand and looked up at him, "please do something about this Min, sin or not just do something because I need reassurance that you're going to be here through every step."
Sang-Min's eyes held a mixture of understanding and concern as he listened to my heartfelt confession. He gently squeezed my hand, offering a silent reassurance. "Hae-Joon, I never intended for any of this to cause you pain. I care about you, and I can see the struggle you're going through." "Kiss me Min." I wrapped my arms around his neck as I looked into his Carmel brown eyes.
He kissed me, the warmth of his lips providing a momentary escape from the turmoil within. As our lips met, it felt like a connection beyond the complexities of our circumstances.
Breaking the kiss, Sang-Min held me close, his eyes reflecting both tenderness and uncertainty. "I'm going to be here with you no matter what." He smiled, I felt safe. When I am with him it's feels good, I feel happy and safe. It feels like we are in our own little world just the two of us and nobody to tell us nothing.
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4 days before school was back in session things were okay between I and my parents. We went on with our days like we always do, it's like nothing has changed except for me.
One afternoon as I was checking the mail someone suddenly covered my mouth and eyes and just like that I was out.
I woke up in a dimly lit room, disoriented and groggy. The air was heavy with an unfamiliar scent. As my eyes adjusted to the low light, I noticed two big figures stand right infront of me. "Finally our guest has woken," a voice said from a distance, "WHO ARE YOU!" I shouted as I struggled to move. The man appeared infront of me and he looked familiar but I couldn't wrap my head around it.
"So you're the slut that caused my son to lose his mind," I examined him a little further and it finally hit me, it was Sang-Min's dad. "Why did you bring me here!" "Don't worry sweetheart I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to know what you did to turn my son gay and make him think that the feelings he had were love." The man stated with a smirk on his face.
"I'll just get over with this," he said, "My son doesn't need you or love you, you both are kids who think that the feelings you have are love. But sorry to break down to you my son doesn't like nor love you." He proclaimed. "If you want to convince me sir, I need Min to tell me that himself!" I hissed. He bursted out laughing, "show it to him." He told one of the two man that were standing right infront of me.
The man pulled out his phone and showed me a video of Sang-Min.
"If you're seeing this video I want to say that, I've neve liked you Hae-Joon. Everything I've told you was a lie and everything I did with you was just to entertain myself. I never and will never like you so please don't come looking or searching for me, have a good life Hae-Joon Shin." The video ended.
My heart felt like it was sinking in a deep blue sea, so it was all a lie. Everything was a lie he deceived me he made me think that I turelly had a real connection with someone. "There you have it, now you can take this money and get the hell out of my son's life!" His dad said as he threw an evelope at me. Suddenly my eyes went dark and I was unconscious.
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When I opened my eyes I found myself in a familiar face and there was voice. "Mom, dad?" I mumbled trying to clear my sight, "Is this how you repay us for raising you!" Dad yelled as he threw pictures at me. "Calm down honey." Mom chimed in, I looked at the pictures and I was baffled, they were pictures of I and Sang-Min from when we had study sessions to the last kiss we shared. I was scared and afraid why was this all happening to me, why did I do wrong to deserve a life like this.
Dad's shouts were muffled by the ring in my ears, everything that was happening to me right now was a punishment for my Sin.
"ANSWER ME WHEN IM TALKING TO YOU BOY!" Dad yelled, "I don't know what you want me to tell anymore, everything you know is right in these pictures." I said as the tears dropped my face, "Now can you accept me?" "Now that you have seen my sin can you still accept the fact that I'm your son?" I looked up at them searching for reassurance but there was none found.
Dad's face contorted with anger, and he yelled, "You call this love? This sinful relationship with another boy? You've shamed this family, and I won't accept it!"
Mom tried to intervene, her voice filled with sorrow, "We raised you better, Hae-Joon. This is not the path we envisioned for you."
I felt a surge of frustration. "DO YOU THINK I WANTED THIS!" "DO YOU THINK I WANTED TO FEEL THIS WAY, NO! BUT I CANT CONTROL WHO I FALL IN LOVE WITH." I clapped back, "AND I WONT FOR SURE WONT HIDE MYSELF ANY LONGER,I've tried so hard to undo these feelings but it never works. I've prayed to god a million times but the answer from him never shows," I told them. Dad's eyes narrowed, his anger unabated. "You dare blame the Lord for your sinful desires? You're just making excuses for your immoral choices, Hae-Joon!"
I took a deep breath as I got up from the couch and went to kneel in front of them. "You're right father, I sincerely apologize for my sinful acts." I sniffled holding my heart in. No matter how much it hurts there was nothing better then regaining my parents love again. "I was dumb to think that these sinful feelings were love."
Dad's stern expression softened slightly as he looked down at me. "Hae-Joon, repentance is the first step to redemption. We need to seek guidance from the church, and together, as a family, we can overcome this sinful path."
Mom's eyes glistened with a mix of relief and sadness. "We just want you to be the son we raised you to be, to follow the righteous path."
I nodded, choking back tears, "I'll do whatever it takes to make things right, to erase this sinful stain on our family."
Dad helped me up, his stern demeanor showing a glimpse of paternal concern. "We'll face this challenge as a family, and with the Lord's guidance, we'll find a way to cleanse our home of this sin."
To be continued