Chapter 7: Recruitment and Strategic Expansion
There are only so many times you can prank someone before you realize you need help. Not because you're tired—Adam would prank Hydra into the afterlife with his last dying breath—but because scaling chaos is an art. And like any art form, sometimes you need interns.
Adam sat cross-legged in his bunk, fingers steepled like a sitcom supervillain. He'd just gotten back from watching a guard trip over a glue-drenched floor he'd lovingly booby-trapped with bubble gum and betrayal.
"Alright," he muttered. "I've got magic. I've got speed. I've got charm that borders on criminal. What I need now—"
He pointed dramatically at the ceiling.
"—is infrastructure."
Step one: recruit the disillusioned and the bored.
Luckily, Hydra employed plenty of both.
The first recruit was a twitchy intern named Kiril who flinched whenever someone mentioned "project deadlines." His greatest talent? Looking innocent while downloading corrupted versions of facility blueprints.
Next was Yana, a nurse whose resting expression could curdle milk and whose personal vendetta against Dr. Vesic bordered on Shakespearean. She once replaced his painkillers with laxatives. Adam didn't even have to ask—she just nodded when he said, "How do you feel about organized stupidity?"
Later that day, while chewing on an emergency energy bar (Hydra's idea of a balanced diet), Adam found himself casually watching Wanda.
She was alone, arms folded, leaning against the wall, humming a Sokovian lullaby under her breath. The way she twirled a red spark between her fingers—effortless and wild—was mesmerizing.
Adam blinked. "Okay, new hypothetical: how the hell do I even begin asking out the Scarlet Witch?"
His system didn't reply, but if it had a face, he was sure it was raising an eyebrow.
"Like, I know now isn't the time. We're in a secret base. There's a literal experiment registry that says I'm 'Mostly Dead.' But, you know... it's good to plan."
He scribbled a list into the margins of a stolen medical file:
Operation: Date the Chaos Queen
Don't die. Don't get mind-crushed. Prank her into laughing—again. Compliment her without sounding like you're auditioning for The Bachelor: Hydra Edition. Have a plan for after you escape with her.
Ah yes. The escape.
"Where do I go when I steal two ultra-powerful test subjects and teleport out of a Hydra hellhole?" he mused. "Vacation spot? Abandoned facilities? Canada?"
He shuddered. "Too polite."
That night, Adam decided it was time to test the other shiny toy he'd earned: the Doctor Who ID Card.
Wearing a stolen lab coat, hair slicked back like a Russian soap opera villain, Adam strode toward a high-security meeting. The bored guard at the entrance raised an eyebrow.
"Identification?"
Adam flipped out the card.
"Director of Spontaneous Containment Logistics," he said with complete confidence.
The man stared. Blinked. Nodded. "Go in."
Inside the meeting room, Adam sat through thirty minutes of dry strategy briefings while mentally adding clown horns to every slide. He left behind a gift in the breakroom fridge: a gelatin mold containing the facility's master keycard.
Back in his cell, Kiril and Yana had already completed their first mission: swapping every doctor's name tag with embarrassing nicknames. Highlights included "Toilet Enthusiast," "Failed Cloner #3," and "Screams Too Much."
<+400 Pranker Bucks>
<+1 Stamina – 'Laughed So Hard It Counted as Cardio'>
Adam lay on his bunk, giggling, whispering, "They renamed Vesic to 'Toupee Guevara.' I'm gonna die."
Just before lights out, Wanda passed by his cell.
She paused. "Did you put honey in the syringe rack?"
"I cannot confirm or deny," he said innocently.
Her lips curved up. "You're insane."
"Thank you," he replied. "I'm trying to add that to my resume."
She kept walking. But Adam didn't miss the way she lingered.
📊 STAT & SYSTEM SUMMARY
Base Stats:
Strength: 6Speed: 8Stamina: 7 (+1)Intelligence: 10MP: 1000
Pranker Bucks: $5,750
Prank Team:
Kiril: Intern (Hacking, Distraction)Yana: Nurse (Medical Mayhem, Stealthy Sabotage)
Skill Cards:
Wit's Starter Spark (10 MP)Velocity Vortex (100 MP)Arcane Antics (80 MP)
Multiverse Items:
Doctor Who ID Card (Identity override)
System Messages This Chapter:
• <+800 Pranker Bucks>
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• <+1 Stamina>
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