Chapter 6: Wandering into Magic
Waking up in a top-secret Hydra facility wasn't on Adam's bucket list, but by now he'd started treating it like an all-inclusive vacation with fewer piña coladas and way more human experimentation.
He stretched his arms, cracked his knuckles, and muttered, "Alright, Pranker System, daddy needs some new toys."
No response.
Typical. Like a toxic ex—always there when you mess up but nowhere to be found when you need affection.
He glanced around his new environment. A long, winding corridor with creepy humming lights and distant whispers. Either horror movie ambiance or the start of a discount meditation tape.
Suddenly—
Objective: Explore the restricted wing beyond the Eastern stairwell.
Reward: Unknown magical anomaly.
"Well, that doesn't sound like I'll be cursed forever," Adam said, grabbing a mop to disguise himself as one of the janitors. He even gave himself a name tag: Moptyr, the Cleansing Warlock.
The Eastern stairwell was guarded by a biometric lock and a guy who looked like he only had two emotions: suspicion and more suspicion. Time to shine.
Adam faked a coughing fit, then dramatically whispered, "Dude, I think there's black mold on the west wing's ceiling tiles."
The guard blinked. "And?"
"Mold spores are Hydra's number one killer. Right after mind control and spontaneous combustion," Adam nodded solemnly.
That somehow worked. The guard turned around to radio someone, and Adam casually slid his hand onto the scanner. Thanks to the "Borrowed Fingerprint" prank earlier that morning (don't ask), the door opened.
The hall beyond was dim, arched, and lined with dusty stone shelves stacked with books older than his great-grandparents' unresolved trauma. In the center was a pedestal with a wand floating above it, slowly rotating like it was waiting to choose a new Hogwarts dropout.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Adam whispered, "we have found the world's most aggressively floating twig."
The plaque below read: The Wand of Whimsy – Wielder Unknown. Contains residual magical potential. Handle with irreverence.
"Finally, someone who gets me."
Adam eyed the glowing security glyphs around the pedestal and knew brute force would be dumber than trusting a Facebook ad. So he did what any respectable conman would do—he swapped the wand with a slightly bent paper straw, added some glitter, and a tiny note that read: Sorry, upgraded to Wi-Fi wand.
The pedestal didn't explode. The lights didn't flicker. Instead...
"Well, at least now I can levitate things and my self-esteem," Adam said, twirling the wand with all the grace of a magician on unpaid leave.
The wand sparked slightly.
"Oh. Oh hell yes."
The return trip wasn't uneventful. A squad of robed security officers barged in as he tiptoed back, and their leader shouted something in what sounded like angry Latin.
"Loiterus Interruptus," Adam guessed.
Without missing a beat, he flicked the wand and activated Arcane Antics. One of the guards immediately began moonwalking uncontrollably while another started confessing deep childhood fears about clowns and wallpaper.
"Oh-ho-ho! Magic is fun," Adam cackled, sprinting away while throwing glitter over his shoulder like magical breadcrumbs.
Back in his stolen dormitory room, Adam stared at himself in the mirror. His reflection looked slightly more chaotic than usual.
"Okay, recap time," he muttered. "I've got magical powers, a speed-based skill card, sarcasm levels over 9000, and enough cash to buy approximately three Marvel hot dogs."
He still couldn't access the System Store—stats weren't at 15 yet. But he could convert his Bucks into actual money. At $10 a Buck, he could bribe a small nation or buy a very nice espresso machine. Priorities.
But he knew the real prize wasn't money. It was Wanda. The girl he'd admired from afar back in his old life. She was mysterious, powerful, and had the sort of eyes that made you want to write poetry you'd never admit to.
"She's gonna kill me," Adam whispered dreamily. "Hopefully, after we kiss."
That night, he wrote in his mental prank journal:
Next Targets:
Find more magic relicsBefriend and prank Wanda (gently)Somehow survive the next week
As he lay on his bunk, wand under his pillow, glitter in his hair, and chaos in his heart, Adam smiled.
If Hydra wanted an obedient test subject, they picked the wrong guy.
🧪 STAT & INVENTORY SUMMARY:
STATS
Strength: 6
Speed: 8
Stamina: 6
Intelligence: 10
MP: 1000
SKILLS
Velocity Vortex – Speed boost x5 for 1 minute. Each prank involving Pietro increases base Speed stat.Arcane Antics – Magical mischief abilities. Each prank involving Wanda increases magical potential. Evolvable. (Cost: 80 MP per use)
INVENTORY
Pranker Bucks: 4,550
Memory Fragment (Guards + Twins)
Janitor name tag: Moptyr, The Cleansing Warlock