Yue, from behind me, died laughing hard, and I May Have Accidentally Agreed to Something Horrible
"Look, Fei Jian," Hua Lian said smoothly, "I have a business proposal for you."
I crossed my arms. "I hate this already."
He grinned. "Demon lords are always fighting, yes?"
"…Yeah?"
"But you? You unite people."
I squinted. "Where are you going with this?"
He leaned forward. "With my resources and your terrifying reputation, we could create something… unprecedented."
"…Unprecedented?" Hua Lian grinned.
"A demon talent agency." I nearly dropped dead on the spot.
"…A WHAT?!"
He spread his hands. "Think about it! A place where demons can channel their aggression into something profitable! Singing, dancing, theater..."
I grabbed Yue's sleeve. "PLEASE tell me I'm hallucinating."
Yue, barely breathing through her laughter, managed to choke out, "Nope. This is real."
I turned back to Hua Lian. "I. Refuse." He smirked instead.
"Fifty percent of all earnings." I froze.
"…How much are we talking?"
Hua Lian's smirk widened. "Millions of spirit stones." I immediately sat down. I have Debts to pay...
"…Go on." Who knows , I Am Accidentally Creating a Demon Entertainment Empire, and just like that, I was doomed.
Within the next two hours, Hua Lian had drawn up a contract so detailed I nearly had a stroke reading it. Yue, of course, kept throwing in worse ideas.
"We should have battle dances."
I pointed at her. "Shut up."
She ignored me. "Or how about a nightmare illusion theater?"
Hua Lian lit up. "Brilliant." I wanted to die, but the thought of having thousands of spirit stones kept me alive..
By the end of it, I somehow became the co-founder of the Demon Realm's first entertainment industry.
"…This is a mistake."
Hua Lian handed me a wine cup. "To success!" I chugged it in despair.
*****
Why Are Demons Lining Up to Audition?!
I woke up to chaos. Not the usual someone is trying to kill me chaos. This was worse.
There was a line. A very long line. Of demons.
Some were hulking warlords. Others were spooky shadow creatures. One guy was literally on fire.
I rubbed my temples. "Hua Lian."
The bastard was smiling. "Good morning, business partner."
I pointed at the horrifying line of demons.
"What. Is. This?"
He beamed. "Our first round of auditions."
I felt a stroke coming on. "For what?!" Yue, who was enjoying this way too much, handed me a scroll.
I regretted looking at it. Demon Talent Auditions
1. Scream harmonization contest
2. Blood arts choreography
3. Evil laughter competition
4. Hellfire juggling
5. Demon rap battle....
I dropped the scroll. I turned back to Hua Lian.
"…You're joking." He sipped his wine. He was NOT joking. I'm Judging a Demon Talent Show. Send Help..... But some hours later, I sat in the judging chair.
How did I get here? I didn't know.
I was supposed to be cultivating. Seeking revenge. Not doing this.
Yue elbowed me. "At least look excited." I scowled at her.
A massive demon stepped onto the stage.
Hua Lian waved. "Alright! What's your name?" The demon flexed.
"I AM BONECRUSHER, DESTROYER OF SOULS."
I nodded. "Alright, Bonecrusher. What's your talent?" He suddenly roared. And then started tap-dancing. Perfectly. I stared.
The entire audience burst into cheers. Yue was crying.
I turned to Hua Lian. "I'm leaving."
He patted my shoulder. "No, you're not." I hate everything.
What the Hell is an "Abyss Idol"?
Bonecrusher made it to the next round. I don't want to talk about it. The next contestant walked in. It was… a floating, shadowy figure. I checked the audition list.
Name: Doom Whisperer
Talent: Ballads of Eternal Suffering
I sighed. "Alright, Doom Whisperer, show us what you've got." The lights dimmed.
A single gloomy flute started playing. And then— Doom Whisperer started singing.
About the pain of lost love, betrayal, and eternal loneliness. IT WAS AMAZING.
Hua Lian nodded. "Very commercial."
Yue wiped a tear. "I felt that."
I leaned forward. "Doom Whisperer, have you considered—" Hua Lian grinned.
"Becoming the first Abyss Idol?" I facepalmed.
I Might Be Accidentally Creating a Cult
By the end of the first round, we had:
A tap-dancing warlord
A singing shadow demon
A fire-breathing acrobat
A duo of screaming banshees who harmonized disturbingly well
I leaned back in my chair. "I am in hell."
Hua Lian laughed. "No, no, you're in business." I hated that he was right.
The worst part? Demons loved it. By nightfall, word had spread. Crowds gathered outside the sect. Chanting. For us.
Yue gasped. "We're becoming a movement."
Hua Lian smirked. "We might be."
I stood up. "No. No movements. No cults. I'm here for revenge, not entertainment."
Yue patted my arm. "Yeah, yeah. Supreme Lord, you're doing great." I was doomed. I Accidentally Started a Revolution?!
By the next morning… I couldn't leave my own sect. The entire mountain was swarmed with demons. Not hostile demons. Fan demons. Holding signs. I wished Big Wu was here...he could have laughed himself into reincarnation...
"BONECRUSHER SUPREME!"
"DOOM WHISPERER'S SAD BALLADS CHANGED MY LIFE!"
"SUPREME LORD, WE AWAIT YOUR COMMAND!" I grabbed Hua Lian.
"What. The hell. Did you do?" He beamed.
"Oh, nothing. Just marketed our little show."
I took a deep breath. "Explain." Hua Lian handed me a scroll. I read it. And nearly passed out.
ANNOUNCEMENT: THE FIRST EVER ABYSS IDOL COMPETITION! Winner gets an audience with the Supreme Lord! Chance to join the Nightshade Demon Sect!
Lifelong glory in the Demon Realm! I turned back to him slowly.
"You. Used. My title."
Hua Lian nodded. "It's good branding." I felt my soul leave my body.
The Heavenly Realm Notices… And Now I Have a Bounty?!
Just when I thought things couldn't get worse… A raven landed on my shoulder. I froze. A Heavenly Realm Raven.
Which meant— I opened the official-looking scroll. And died inside.
PUBLIC NOTICE FROM THE HEAVENLY REALM
A Dangerous Individual Has Appeared in the Demon Realm!
Description:
Wreaking havoc among the demon sects.
Inciting rebellion through… performance arts?!
Possible someone claiming to be the Supreme Lord in disguise!
Bounty: 100,000 spirit stones. I clutched my chest. Why was I not recognized for something better than this....?
"Yue." She peeked over my shoulder. And then fell over laughing. God damnit! The crazy bitch, is always laughing..!
I turned to Hua Lian. He was grinning like a lunatic.
"This," he said, wiping a tear, "is the funniest thing I've ever seen."
I grabbed his collar. "I have a bounty on my head."
Hua Lian shrugged. "At least it's a big one." I wanted to scream. Instead, I sat down. Took a deep breath. And accepted my new, ridiculous reality...