The Heavenly Sect Declares a Music Battle?!
I sat there. Staring at the announcement scroll.
> "The Heavenly Sect proudly presents its new celestial music division! With the esteemed Fairy QingYue as lead vocalist, we shall prove that righteousness prevails in both martial arts and melody!" I closed my eyes. Breathed in, and breathed out.
Yue leaned over my shoulder. "…Well. This just got interesting."
The Demon King snatched the scroll. "Fairy QingYue?" He scoffed. "Overrated."
He turned to me, eyes burning. "We must defeat them."
I blinked. "Defeat them… how?" He clenched his fist.
"With a Battle of the Bands, obviously." Oh, for fuck's sake..... I Swear I Didn't Reincarnate for a Cultivation Music War. But I just sat there. Staring at the Demon King.
"You want to challenge the Heavenly Sect… to a Battle of the Bands." He nodded solemnly.
"Using demon cultivators." Another nod.
"Who have spent their entire lives mastering sword arts, soul-devouring techniques, and forbidden spells—"
"Yes."
"—and absolutely no time learning how to play an instrument?"
"…That's what training arcs are for." I nearly coughed blood.
Yue patted my shoulder. "Master Long, this is a great opportunity."
I glared at her. "Opportunity for what? Public humiliation? Eternal embarrassment? The Heavenly Sect's lead singer is literally called Fairy QingYue—her voice is rumored to make spirit beasts weep!"
The Demon King slammed his hand on the table. "And our performance shall make the heavens TREMBLE!" I buried my face in my hands in shock. I was supposed to be cultivating. Avenging my past self. Crushing my enemies. Not managing a goddamn demon rock band.
Yue handed me a scroll. "Anyway, here's the budget request." I peeked at it.
30,000 spirit stones for instrument crafting.
50,000 for wardrobe enchantments.
10,000 for pyrotechnics.
Pyrotechnics?! I turned to Yue.
She shrugged. "What? The Demon King wants explosions." I took a slow, deep breath.
"If we lose this battle, I will strangle every single one of you." A Bunch of Demon Cultivators Trying to Play Instruments. It's Exactly What You Think.
It was chaos. Pure. Unfiltered. Chaos. One disciple tried using his zither as a weapon.
Another accidentally summoned a minor demon while tuning a flute. Elder Zhou attempted a drum solo… and blew a hole through the training grounds.
I watched, completely dead inside. Yue clapped her hands.
"Alright! Not bad for our first rehearsal." I stared at her.
"…NOT BAD? Yue, we just lost half the sect's dining hall." She ignored me, and turned to the Demon King.
"Your Majesty, how do you feel about the team's progress?" The Demon King rubbed his chin.
"Hmmm… could use more aggression."
"…They are literally screaming."
He nodded. "Good. Now add fire." I groaned.
"Why am I still here?"
Yue patted my shoulder. "Because you secretly love this." I hated that she might be right. But without warning, next time: The Heavenly Sect Issues an Official Diss Track.
You head me, right!. I mean, The Heavenly Sect Just Dropped a Diss Track—And We Are NOT Ready. Well... I woke up to the sound of laughter outside my room.
Not the polite kind. Not the "Haha, Senior Brother, you're so funny" kind.
No. This was the "our entire sect has been publicly humiliated and we are now the laughingstock of the cultivation world" kind.
I kicked open my door. A group of disciples were huddled around a glowing jade talisman, snickering like they had just heard the funniest joke of the century.
"The hell is going on?" I demanded. One of them looked up at me, tears in his eyes.
"Master Long—! The Heavenly Sect—they made a song about us!"
I grabbed the talisman and activated it. A cold, elegant voice drifted out.
"Oh, the demons think they have a band, but they can't even hold a stand.
They wield their zithers like their swords—because their skills are so untoward.
Their melodies are pure disgrace, their notes are lost in time and space…" I stared at the talisman.
These bastards wrote a diss track. A diss track. Against us. And worse—it was catchy.
Even Yue was tapping her fingers to the beat. Now, I am completely pissed off. I never wanted to be a part of this musical madness! But now, they dare diss me? This is war.... Humm.. did I just said war?.
I turned to her. "You're enjoying this?"
She shrugged. "I mean… it's well-produced." I crushed the talisman in my fist. The disciples gasped.
"We could've replayed that!"
"We are NOT replaying it," I growled. I turned to the Demon King, who was furious.
"How dare they mock my musicians?!" he roared.
"…Musicians?" I muttered. "That's a generous term for what we have." But the Demon King wasn't listening. He grabbed my shoulders, eyes blazing.
"Long Fei Jian."
I swallowed. "Yes?"
"Write a diss track."
"…What?" He shook me.
"WRITE. A. DISS TRACK." I blinked.
Then slowly, a dark grin spread across my face. But do I How to Write a Cultivation Diss Track (Badly)
"Alright," I said, cracking my knuckles. I sat cross-legged on a jade meditation cushion, a blank scroll before me.
"Let's destroy some sect's reputation."
Yue peered over my shoulder. "You sure you know what you're doing?"
I dipped my brush in ink. "Yue. I have reincarnated. Been betrayed. Been a Supreme Lord. Been killed. I have lived multiple lifetimes of experience. And I have an enormous debt to pay back" I took a deep breath.
And then I wrote:
"Oh, Fairy QingYue thinks she's divine,
but her high notes make mortals whine.
Her sect drinks tea and calls it fate,
while we sharpen blades to decimate."
Yue stared at my work. Then she said:
"…It's mid." I nearly choked on air.
"MID?!" Yue nodded, completely serious.
"You need more bite. More disrespect. A line that hits so hard the Heavenly Sect feels it in their cores." The Demon King nodded sagely.
"She's right. You need something… devastating." I gritted my teeth.
Fine..I flipped the scroll over. Dipped my brush again.
And then I wrote:
"They say QingYue's voice can charm the beasts,
but even spirit cows refuse her feasts."
The Demon King gasped. Yue's eyes widened.
One disciple whispered, "No mercy."
I grinned. "Send it.".....it has just begin....