"Oh, what have I done?" I mutter, pacing nervously across the floor. I've been pacing my living room for almost an hour now, practically the moment I returned home. I was fine when I left the dresser, planning on returning with a sled to drag the dresser home. But halfway home, I started to have a mental breakdown. I shouldn't have spoken to that human. I should have flown away the moment I saw him.
Oh, everyone is going to be so angry with me.
I tug on my white bangs harshly, breathing deeply as I suddenly squat in the middle of my living room.
Oh no. Oh no.
"But I didn't tell him anything about the others. I didn't even talk really. I just signed. So, all he knows is that I'm intelligent life." My chest stutters as I breathe in again. "Although, I don't feel so intelligent. Nobody else would have spoken to him. Everyone else would have rushed away.
Oh, why am I so stupid?"
I bit the tip of my thumb, using the burn to try and ground myself. It doesn't work. Whimpering, I tuck my head in between my knees, trying to even out my breathing. I think I'm going to be sick. I heave with each exhale but thankfully nothing comes out. My eyes burn with unshed tears. I roughly rub my cheek against my knee, hoping that maybe the friction will help ground my thoughts.
It doesn't do anything but irritate the skin on my cheek. Gulping in a deep breath, I push myself to my feet. I need to tell someone. I need a second opinion. But who? Wind won't be home for hours and I really don't think I can wait. Biting my lip, I stand and my body sways from the change in altitude.
Shaking my head, I stagger toward the kitchen table and press my palms against the rough texture. And even if I decided on whom I am going to tell, how am I supposed to get there? Wind usually helps me reach Mother Nature's place but everyone else I need to reach happens with the help of one of the older protectors. I press my forehead against the table.
How come us seasons aren't allowed to have fast travel? Why do we need to rely on others in order to visit the others? I can't visit Vita, Mortem, Father Time, or Cato without help.
"But I can't just go to Mother Nature," I mutter. "She'll freak out and maybe forbid me from getting more answers and get really angry at me and I don't want her angry at me. But who else can I reach?" I glare at the barren wall. "We really need a way to communicate with one another better. How is it that we haven't created something cell phone-like for us to use with one another for emergencies like this? Cato is so smart! They must have something up their sleeve for a device for all of us to use." Twisting my head, I look out the window, the sun is still up but I can see the moon peeking through the blue. I stare at the moon for a bear before launching to my feet.
The moon! Maybe if I call out, Ake might hear me and come down. I mean, it doesn't hurt to try at least, right? Even if he doesn't come it's not like there will be anyone around to see or hear me hollering up at the moon for Ake to come down.
Rubbing my palms on my thighs, I shakily walk outside. Launching myself into the air, I teeter this way and that, as if drunk, until I finally land on the roof. Facing the moon, I stare at it for a second, feeling rather silly at the moment before glancing around. Seriously, nobody else is here. Wetting my lips, I breathe in deeply and exhale a shaky breath.
"Welp, h-h-here goes nothing," I mutter to myself. "If he doesn't hear me, he doesn't hear me. But I at least tried."
Cupping my hands to my mouth, I inhale a large gulp of air.
"Whatcha doin', Snowflake?"
A startled cry escapes me as Ake's voice whispers in my ear and my foot slips out from underneath me. My eyes squeeze shut as I brace myself to fall and start sliding, but a warm solid mass catches me and holds me in place.
"Whoa, whoa! Easy there, Snowflake," Ake says hurriedly as he holds me tightly to his chest. "Don't need you falling off the roof and having to explain to Ela and Cato why you have another concussion and a few broken bones, now do we?"
My chest heaves as I pant and try to calm my racing heart. I lean my head and face him, eyes wide and a familiar heat forms behind them.
"A-A-Ake!"
Ake smirks down at me, lifting a single eyebrow.
"That's my name, don't wear it out."
My breathing stutters in my chest causing Ake's smirk to slip and he studies me with a deep frown.
"Snowflake? Frost? What's wrong?"
My vision blurs at the use of my name and I heave a frantic sob as I try to get oxygen into my lungs.
Oh no. Oh no. I can't do this. I can't. He's just gonna get mad like I'm sure Mother Nature will and the others will and they'll all hate me when Ake tells them what I've done and I can't let that happen, I don't want them to hate me. I just want to sit with them and have tea and apples and not worry about things for a while and why have I gone and messed this all up.
With alarming awareness, I notice the edges of my vision greying out as my head spins and my chest heaves. A warm hand on my cheek refocuses me on Ake's worried face, his pale eyes wide with concern and panic. My eyes drift from his and land on his lips as they frantically move, seemingly repeating the same thing over and over again. I vaguely register the two of us lowering down to the rooftop and I feel Ake's hold shift until my back is flush with his chest. Warm breath hits my ear as Ake continues speaking to me but the ringing and roaring in my ears keep me from hearing anything. One of his hands moves to my chest and I focus on it as I feel Ake breathe in deeply, hold it, then release it slowly. What on Earth is he doing? My lips twitch into a frown as he continues to repeat the action.
Does...Does he want ME to do that too? But why? Squinting down at his hand, I drag in a shaky deep breath and hold it. Ake pats my chest and I release it, my lungs burning and chest stuttering as I do. Ake mutters something into my ear before motioning for me to do it again.
Well, all right, but I don't know what good this is gonna do with anything. I am breathing perfectly fine, it's just my chest won't cooperate with me.
I repeat my actions, breathe in, hold until he pats my chest, then release my gulp of air. Rinse and repeat. Slowly, the greying around the edges of my vision fade and the roaring quiets down.
"-ood, Snowflake, that's really good," Ake murmurs next to my ear and that's when I realize that he's petting my hair. "Now, try releasing without my signal, just nice and easy. That's a sweetheart." Ake praises as I do as he asks and he brushes my bangs from my forehead. "That's wonderful, Snowflake. Just keep doing that. We've got all the time in the world."
My lips quirk up in the corners.
Of course, we do. We're invisible immortal beings with Father Time on our side.
Unable to keep my head up any longer, I allow it to drop back against Ake's shoulder, slumping down with it as I just breathe in and out. Ake tenses as I move, his hands pausing in their movements as I stare straight ahead with heavy eyelids. Snow drifts and icicles, I am so tired.
"Snowflake? Frost?" Ake asks softly right next to my ear. "You still with me, Sweetheart?"
Humming, I merely nod, far too tired from whatever that scenario was to answer properly. I press the back of my head harder against the moon entity's shoulder, frowning when my face feels overly hot and burning.
"M'okay," I just barely manage out, my lips and tongue heavy. I tilt my head toward Ake's face.
He snorts in my ear, the hand on my chest winding to secure me to his chest.
"Like hell you are. Only you would say you're fine after having a full-blown panic attack out of nowhere. On the roof of your house, no less." Ake rocks the two of us a little as he rests his chin on my shoulder. "Are you at least willing to tell me what all of that was about?"
My body tenses causing Ake to murmur in comfort but he doesn't stop his rocking. Should I tell him? I mean that was the whole point of why I came to the roof in the first place, wasn't it? To ask him to come down so I can at least tell someone about what happened? Swallowing thickly, I twist until I can look Ake in the eye.
"C-C-Can we-May we go inside first?" I ask, voice rough for a reason I'm not sure I understand. Was I breathing too hard? Is the cold affecting my throat? I hope not. That would just look bad. My own element working against me.
Ake frowns, his eyes flickering all over my face as he thinks over my request. He lifts his hand and wipes his fingers across my cheeks, smearing something wet and hot on my skin.
Jolting, I lift a hand to my face and touch where he wiped. My fingers glistened as I pull them back. My eyes widen. Was I crying during that ordeal? I don't remember. My vision got blurry but I didn't feel anything slide down my cheeks. As if sensing my confusion, Ake cups my cheeks, forcing me to focus on him once more.
"You promise to tell me why you started panicking when I caught you?"
I nod.
Ake narrows his eyes, lips in a thin line before blowing air out through his nose.
"All right, we'll head inside. But I want all the details, Snowflake. Because what just happened? Wasn't a normal response, or YOUR normal response, to almost falling off the roof. And I want to know why."
Not trusting my voice, I quickly nod and I watch as Ake digs into his pocket. My eyebrows furrow in confusion as he pulls out some moon sand. He levels me with a stare.
"After what happened, I am not letting you fly off this roof. We are going to walk into your living room using my moon sand and discuss what just happened."
Pursing my lips, I nod my head and warily watch as Ake blows the sand to form a portal to our left. The two of us shimmy till we are standing, Ake keeping a firm grip on my biceps as my vision wavers and my knees refuse to cooperate with me. The moon entity tucks me flush against him as we start to move, my mind still a little dazed about the events that just transpired. His grip strong as we step through the portal and into my living room.
My legs wobble as Ake leads me over to the sofa and lowers me down. The cushions barely shift as I lean back, overly tired and strung out. My eyes slide shut and I listen to Ake's footsteps as he enters the kitchen. The clang of glass tells me he is grabbing at least one cup from my cupboard right before the gush of the sink turns on.
I gnaw on my bottom lip as I wait for the moon entity to reappear. How mad is he gonna be when I tell him why I panicked? I throw a hand over my face as the flutter of panic starts to return.
I jolt when something cool and wet is pressed to my cheek. Dropping my hand, I peek up at Ake through my eyelashes. There is a deep concerned frown on the moon entity's face as he hovers over me, holding out a glass of water for me.
Shakily, I reach out and take the water, smiling silently at Ake as he nods and lowers himself onto the couch next to me, the cushions sinking under his weight and my body slides a little towards him, causing our arms to brush. I chose to ignore it, knowing that Ake doesn't mind the coolness that radiates off of me, timidly sipping at the freshwater he gave me. It's when he throws an arm across the back of the couch and his hand lands on my shoulder that I shift a little, unsure of all the touching at the moment.
"Are you ready to tell me what happened back there?" Ake asks, his gaze hard as he turns to look at me, silver eyes piercing. I glance at him sideways as I take another sip of my water, feeling the liquid slide all the way to my stomach.
I might as well just get this over and done with. Nodding, I take a deep breath and release it as I did back on the roof.
Okay, Frost, you can do this.
Turning toward Ake, I smile weakly.
"Okay, but please promise you won't get mad."