There I was. Sitting in camp. Shirtless. Shiny. Drinking a hot dog smoothie (don't ask—kitchen ran out of cups and shame). Life was quiet.
Too quiet.
That's when he showed up.
Steve "Golden Retriever in Human Form" Rogers.
He looked like a Q-tip with PTSD and asthma. All heart, no muscle. Kinda guy who'd apologize to a punching bag for hitting it too hard. But, y'know what? I liked him.
Then he salted my coffee.
"Just a little prank, Benny-boy," he grinned.
I stared at the mug like it had personally insulted my ancestors.
"You absolute blonde menace."
From there it was open warfare. Pranks on pranks on pranks.
I replaced his protein powder with powdered eggs.
He swapped my shampoo for maple syrup.
I snuck live ducks into his footlocker.
He painted eyes on all my grenades.
By the end of Week Two, we weren't just bunkmates. We were rivals, brothers, and probably a workplace hazard.
Then It Happened:
Steve got the juice.
I mean the Super Soldier Serum, not Capri Sun. He went from "fragile hero with a heart of gold" to "shirtless corn-fed American demigod" in ten minutes flat.
Howard Stark couldn't stop taking photos.
"My boy! Look at those pecs! Someone get me oil!"
Meanwhile, me?
I was there with my bowl of experimental army cereal and a stare that could burn through vibranium.
"Cool," I said. "Now there's two of us who can rip a tank in half."
Spoiler: No, there wasn't. He was strong, sure. But I was still... me.
Hydra Time
Next day, they briefed me:
"Benjamin, you speak German."
"Barely. I once ordered a bratwurst and accidentally declared a small coup."
"Good enough."
They gave me a cheap suit, a comb-over wig, and a fake mustache that looked like it was cursed by a barbershop ghost. I was now:
"Klaus Von Radiowellen – The Voice of the Reich."
I was supposed to read propaganda. Keep the troops in line.
Instead? I started talking about freedom, hot dogs, and how Hydra's leadership smelled like expired cheese.
People listened.They believed me.And they started rebelling.
I was a literal meme. Posters of "Klaus the Freedom DJ" started popping up with slogans like:
"Make Bratwurst, Not War!"
"Punch Nazis, Not Clocks."
"Liberty Has Abs Now!"
Even Steve tuned in and sent me a message via army pigeon:"You're insane. I love it. Please stop calling Red Skull 'Discount Voldemort.'"
But Then... Blood Gets Weird
One of the Hydra scientists I knocked out (with a chair, mind you) had notes. Weird ones.
They'd been tracking me. My powers. My accidents. My blood.
Turns out, whatever happened when I reincarnated? My soul, my sneeze-warping DNA, the trident of chaos in my bloodstream? It was messing with the laws of biology. My blood might be the reason Hydra was trying to recreate the serum.
Not just that...
They think if extracted incorrectly? My blood could detonate like a nuclear Capri Sun.
"So you're saying I'm... a walking bomb?"
"Ja," the tied-up scientist replied.
"Cool, cool, cool. Love that. Very sexy. Not terrifying at all."
Back at Camp
Steve greeted me like I'd come back from Coachella.
"You accidentally started a rebellion again, didn't you?"
"It was supposed to be non-lethal. I just wanted a hot dog."
"And instead you might be the final boss in a bio-weapons campaign."
We fist-bumped.
"Classic me."
End-of-Chapter Thoughts:
Steve's abs now cast shadows on my self-esteem.
I might explode.
Hydra fears my blood.
The rebellion follows my radio voice.
I definitely want a cape now.
Chapter 7 Preview: Benjamin and Steve are sent on a two-man mission behind enemy lines to sabotage a Hydra railgun powered by alien tech. Benjamin discovers he can absorb energy... by eating bullets. And then? Red Skull shows up—riding a cyborg panther.