The night deepened. Outside, the lanterns dimmed one by one across Cloudveil Hall, the sect slipping into silence. But inside Lin Mu's chamber, the weight of words unsaid pressed heavier with every passing moment.
He still lay with his head on her shoulder. Xue Lan stroked his hair gently, and though her touch was tender, he felt it more like a mercy than a need. Her breaths were calm. Steady. His own came shallow and tight.
She was beautiful like this—quiet, soft, comfortable. But not glowing. Not radiant. Not undone the way he wanted to see her.
Not the way he had heard other women become.
Her body had barely reacted to his. She had trembled more when she'd walked barefoot across snow during winter training.
He knew it wasn't malice. She wasn't disappointed at him. She was disappointed for him.
That made it worse.
He shifted, sat up slowly, robe loose across his waist. His hands trembled slightly as he folded them in his lap.
"I've been thinking," he said quietly.
Xue Lan looked at him, blinking slowly. "About?"
"About us. About… what's fair."
"Mu'er, you don't owe me anything," she said quickly. "I chose you. I love you. Just because things are—"
"Different," he interrupted, voice tight. "Because I can't give you what other men could."
She bit her lip.
He turned to her, forcing himself to meet her eyes. "You didn't finish tonight. Not even close. You barely responded. You're trying to spare my pride, but we both know the truth."
She looked down, silent.
"It's not your fault," he continued. "It's mine. My body. My… curse."
"Don't call it that," she whispered.
He smiled bitterly. "What else should I call it? Every man in our sect trains their body to peak form. They grow taller, stronger. They—" His throat tightened. "They satisfy."
She reached out again, but this time he gently moved her hand away.
"I want you to be happy," he said. "All of you. Your heart, your soul… and your body."
Xue Lan's eyes widened slightly.
"I'm not saying this lightly," he added. "But if… if there's someone you trust. Someone within the inner sect. If you wanted to… explore that, I wouldn't stop you."
Silence.
Her expression was unreadable. Shock. Guilt. Relief. Fear.
"Mu'er…" she began.
He nodded once. "I'm not giving up on us. But I know what I can't give. And if this is how I can still make you feel whole… then I'll endure it."
She reached for him again—this time, cupping his cheek. Her eyes were glassy.
"You'd really allow that?"
"I don't know what it will do to me," he said honestly. "But I know what it might do for you."
Her lips parted, but she said nothing.
Because in her silence, he already heard the answer.