Swish—Thwack!
"AHHH!!"
A stone came flying out of nowhere and smacked the boy square in the leg. Down he went, face-first into the ground with a pained cry, snot and all.
Kai spun around at the noise—only to see the goblins had caught up and were already swarming the poor guy like hyenas on a buffet.
He skidded to a stop.
The boy, trembling, lifted a hand toward Kai. His eyes screamed help me, but his mouth was too busy making pathetic little sobbing noises.
The goblins didn't pounce immediately. Instead, they slowed, surrounding the boy in a tight arc, grinning their crooked, moldy-toothed grins.
Then the ones in the center split open like curtains.
And out walked him.
A barehanded goblin, no weapons, just confidence—and a creepy smile that curled up like he'd just won the goblin lottery. He licked his lips, eyes locked on Kai, full of smug satisfaction.
Kai blinked. Why did this little bastard look so personal about it?
The goblin stepped forward and planted one scrawny foot right on the boy's back, holding him down like a trophy. Then, with a dramatic flair, he pointed straight at Kai.
Kai tensed up.
Then the goblin drew a slow finger across his throat, grinning from ear to ear.
A death threat?
But something didn't add up.
Kai narrowed his eyes, then looked down at what he was holding.
Oh.
He wasn't pointing at Kai.
He was pointing at the spear.
"Holy hell! It's the same goblin from before!"
Kai's eyes widened as the realization slammed into him. That face. That stupid, smug little green face. It was him—the goblin he'd flipped off earlier.
And judging by the evil grins spreading across the entire goblin squad, it wasn't just random violence anymore.
This was personal.
The little bastard in charge pointed at Kai and started cussing him out in shrill, chattering goblin-speak. It was surprisingly expressive.
'So goblins have intelligence... and hold grudges?'
Kai barely had time to appreciate the weirdness of that before the lead goblin raised one hand.
Another goblin stepped forward with reverence, like some medieval squire presenting Excalibur, and placed a stick-spear into his hand.
The goblin hefted it high, eyes glinting with murder, ready to bring it down on the back of the boy crying on the ground like a discount anime sidekick.
Kai's mouth opened to shout—
But then something glitched in his vision.
[BlackJack Bishop Marcus has chosen you as his Loaded Dice.]
[Rigged from the start. Tilted to win. Luck isn't with you, Outrider—it's inside you, screaming to be unleashed.]
Kai blinked.
"...Wait. My big brother did this?"
He looked down at the glowing text, then at the goblin about to commit murder, then back at the text.
"Oh hell yeah."
He couldn't help but grin.
'So this is what Lady Luck does, huh? This is gonna be good.'
"You bastards! Get your hands off my big brother! I, the Hero of Light, shall punish you all—with Lady Luck on my side! Justice will prevail no matter what!!!"
Kai swirled the spear dramatically like some overconfident anime protagonist and then stabbed it into the ground, striking a pose that screamed "twelve-year-old who read one too many fantasy web novels."
For a moment, the battlefield froze.
The goblins—mid-snickering and ready to stab—just stared at him. Even Big Brother, who had been crying and whisper-praying to every deity he could remember, paused mid-hiccup.
Then, chaos.
The goblins burst into raucous laughter, clutching their bloated stomachs and wheezing like someone had just slipped banana peels into their underpants.
Big Brother, on the other hand, took this as confirmation that their salvation now depended solely on divine intervention. He doubled down on the praying—feverishly, frantically, muttering every god's name like he was spinning a divine roulette wheel.
But did any of this phase Kai?
Nope.
Absolutely not.
Nothing could shame this man. His soul had ascended past the point of embarrassment. His confidence was built on a foundation of nonsense and fueled by the raw, unfiltered belief that the universe owed him an epic moment.
The lead goblin—Grub, the artisan behind the legendary "Spear of Lazarus," lovingly crafted from the weakest stick and the oldest, flattest rock in the dungeon—let out one last snort and began lowering the spear toward Big Brother, slow and theatrical.
The other goblins started to dance, a horrible, offbeat celebration of impending murder.
Kai just smiled.
He wasn't worried.
After all, the dice were loaded.
There was no way he was going to miss this. Not now. Not when Lady Luck herself had slid into the passenger seat of his soul and whispered, "Go wild, baby."
Kai swirled the spear like a wannabe warrior monk, spun in a full circle like a dramatic ballerina in a Saturday morning anime, and hurled it with every ounce of strength he could muster.
The spear whistled through the air.
The goblins panicked, eyes wide, some even ducking instinctively like they were in a warzone.
"Yeah! Take that, you little creepers! Light of Justice will punish you for every crime you've ever committed!"
Kai shouted with the delusional confidence of a protagonist whose arc was way ahead of the plot.
The syndrome was clearly advancing.
Meanwhile, Marcus—Kai's big brother in distress—was absolutely beaming. Eyes sparkled, hope returned, maybe even a single tear rolled down his cheek. He believed.
Even Grub stood frozen, mouth agape, watching the arc of fate play out.
Clang!
Until, of course, the spear slammed into the wall ten feet to the left, bounced off with a metallic CLANG, and went spinning uselessly into the air.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...Bruh..."
A moment passed.
A generous silence, the kind reserved for funerals and really bad talent show auditions.
[...]
Still spinning in the air.
Of course, when you spin around like a Beyblade on meth trying to look cool with a spear, you really ought to plant your feet first. Otherwise, physics gets involved.
And physics, unlike Lady Luck, is a cruel and petty bitch.