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Part 1: Enter the Emo Cultivators
The arena darkened. A cold mist drifted in. The audience shivered—not from chill, but from emotional trauma.
A sect walked in, all dressed in black. Long flowing robes. Pale faces. No one smiled. Not even the flies around them.
The announcer's voice trembled.
"Ladies and gentlemen… uh… next is the… um… Bitter Abyss Sect. Known for their cultivation method, Emotional Nihility Arts, they specialize in attacks that make you question your very existence."
Mu Yao squinted. "They look like they haven't seen sunlight in centuries."
Tang Zhi added, "They look like they haven't seen joy since the Primordial Era."
System dinged:
> [Warning: Opponents possess the technique "Misery Palm – Sorrowful Third Form: Why Bother?"]
[Recommendation: Resist emotional damage.]
Xu Liang: "I'm emotionally unprepared for this battle."
Pan-Pan: "You're emotionally unprepared for life."
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Part 2: Psychological Warfare Begins
The Bitter Abyss Sect's leader stepped forward. A tall, skeletal figure with eyes so dark it looked like hope had packed its bags and left.
"I am Mo Renjian, Sadness Saint of the Ninth Abyss," he said in a voice drier than sandpaper poetry. "Your happiness disgusts me."
He waved his hand. A wave of gloom spread across the field.
Everyone felt… empty.
Mu Yao clutched her head. "Why does it feel like my parents never loved me?"
Tang Zhi dropped to his knees. "My broth… tastes hollow…"
Wei Yun was affected too. Visions flashed in his mind—of a soup pot boiling over, of a disciple burning noodles, of being alone in a world of tasteless broth.
System screamed:
> [You are experiencing Level 3 Existential Dread.]
[Activate Countermeasure: "Comedy Cultivation Mode"?]
"Yes!" Wei Yun mentally shouted. "Do it now!"
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Part 3: Cultivating Through Comedy
Suddenly, a new aura radiated from Wei Yun. Bright. Silly. Ridiculous.
He raised a spiritual whoopee cushion and slapped it onto the ground.
PFFT.
The sound echoed across the arena. It shattered the gloom slightly.
He activated Laughing Cauldron Technique, creating bubbles of giggles and joy.
Tang Zhi recovered first. "Right! Humor! Our sect isn't just spicy—it's stupid!"
Pan-Pan snorted. "Let's fight sadness with shamelessness!"
Xu Liang pulled out his secret technique:
Slapstick Shadow Clone No. 9: Banana Peel Step!
Mo Renjian stepped onto it. Slipped.
He didn't fall—he descended slowly into philosophical despair.
"Why do I even stand?" he murmured.
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Part 4: Misery Cultivation vs. Meme Martial Arts
Bitter Abyss Sect unleashed their strongest formation:
Ten Thousand Years of Loneliness Array.
It summoned past regrets, future anxieties, and middle school embarrassment.
Wei Yun, however, countered with his new move:
Soup Sect Secret Art: Self-Roast Alchemy – Ultimate Cringe Form!
He manifested a spiritual projection of himself—failing at everything.
It was so cringe the gloom broke under the pressure.
Mo Renjian stared at it, horrified. "Is that… you trying to flirt in Chapter 3?"
"Yes," Wei Yun said proudly. "And I lived to cringe again."
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Part 5: Depression Dragon Summon
Cornered, the Bitter Abyss Sect summoned their trump card:
The Abyssal Depression Dragon.
A massive black serpent with tear-filled eyes and a soundtrack composed by broken violins.
Pan-Pan yelled, "That thing looks like it reads sad poetry in the rain!"
Mu Yao leapt forward, fists blazing. "Time to cheer it up. With violence."
She punched the dragon in the snout. It blinked. It sniffled.
"...Thank you," it mumbled, before disintegrating into sparkles of hope.
Even System was confused.
> [You just punched depression in the face. Effectiveness: 9000%.]
[Achievement unlocked: Therapist Through Violence.]
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Part 6: Redemption and Refried Emotions
Mo Renjian collapsed to his knees.
"I… I felt joy. I laughed. Once."
Wei Yun offered him a bowl of soup.
"Take this. It's called Broth of Better Choices."
Mo Renjian took a sip. His eyes widened.
"This… this has flavor…"
System pinged:
> [You've converted a Cultivator of the Abyss into a Soup Follower.]
[New Recipe Unlocked: Sadness-Infused Salt Ramen.]
The crowd roared.
Pan-Pan: "Are we winning by being insane or lucky?"
Crutchy: "Yes."
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Part 7: Intermission and Incoming Doom
As the sect recovered, a messenger flew in on a spiritual pigeon.
He handed Wei Yun a scroll.
Mu Yao read it aloud.
> "To the idiots of Soup Sect: Your next opponent is The Devouring Tofu Clan. Prepare to be steamed."
Tang Zhi paled. "Not the tofu freaks…"
Xu Liang shuddered. "They once turned a mountain into soy sauce."
Wei Yun closed the scroll, eyes gleaming.
"Good. It's time to test my fermented fury."
System groaned:
> [Note: Do NOT attempt to ferment enemies. That's illegal in most realms.]
Pan-Pan: "Too late."
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End of Chapter 12.