We entered the Cybercafé and I saw many people using the computers. Most of them were playing, as expected. Some were in a party, others were more focused, and many seemed to be waiting for their turn. I noticed a couple of guys who looked like they had been playing all night. The atmosphere was pure competitiveness, but there were also laughs and comments shared among the players.
Then Liliana asked me:
—What do you see?
(What am I supposed to tell her? I was looking at everyone, observing each player as if I could read their thoughts. All these guys and girls so focused on their games... but I wasn't in the right place, I didn't even know what I was expecting to find. What did she really want to know?)
(My gaze wandered around the room, but in my head, there was just noise. I didn't know how to answer, so I just said the first thing that came to my mind.)
—Isn't that a stupid question?
(Her face turned red. It was clear she was holding back, although I could clearly see she wanted to laugh. But that wasn't all. The tension in her posture, the way she clenched her hands on the table... something had changed. Was it because I had been so... uninterested in her world? I didn't know.)
She snapped and said:
—You're really insufferable... angel face but that idiot attitude, you really deserve to be the big loser that you are.
(It surprised me a little, but deep down, I couldn't stop a smile from creeping onto my face. It was so direct, so without filter. I liked it.)
I didn't care about what she said, and simply replied:
—If you invited me to make fun of me, I'll leave.
(It was my usual defense. Avoid getting hurt, anticipate the blow. If I left, I wouldn't have to hear more of her comments. But somehow, something told me I couldn't leave now. Something in her tone had caught me.)
I was about to walk out, but suddenly, she grabbed my wrist tightly. I immediately looked at her face, and she had a look that made me think she had a genuine interest. Then she said:
—Wait, I invited you to this place, at least you can observe, what do you think?
(At first, I thought about pulling away and walking to the door. But there was something in her expression that made me hesitate. That look, that slight hesitation in her voice... it was as if she really wanted me to stay.)
Despite her apparent interest, I remained cold and replied:
—Observe, observe what?
—Don't look at what they play, look at the people... now tell me, what do you see?
(What the hell did that mean? What did she want me to see? I kept looking around, not understanding where she was going with this.)
The space was big, with many empty computers and others occupied. In one of them, I saw a couple of students playing together, one of my favorite games [Mission SWAT], and others playing [Versus Royal]. I noticed that many of them had come with their friends. A couple of guys were laughing and playfully hitting each other. Some seemed more serious, as if they were training for a competition.
And I told her what I could notice:
— I see that they are having fun.
— Exactly, that's the point of video games. It's not about being good or not. It's about having fun with them... The purpose of video games has always been to enjoy and make friends in the process... Now, almost no one has friends to play with, and few actually enjoy playing... This space was created for that. Gamers nowadays always play to win, they've forgotten to play for fun... But for me, a true gamer is the one who enjoys playing, win or lose.
(Those words hit me. I didn't know why, but something inside me awakened. The concept of playing for fun... had I forgotten that part? Maybe all this time, I had been obsessed only with winning, and had confused it with the true purpose of playing. I had been so caught up in the idea of being the best that I had forgotten to enjoy.)
Her words moved me, and convinced me. With some embarrassment, I could only say:
—You're absolutely right, and thank you so much for everything, and for inviting me here.
(I didn't know why, but at that moment, it felt like a small part of me had been relieved. Maybe I had found a break, an escape from the storm that was my frustrated gamer life.)
—You're welcome, you silly loser, but I have an idea, how about we play a match?
—Sure, but I choose the game... Ah, and please, have mercy on me.
—I'll do my best to win.
—What?
—If you're giving your all, I have to give my all too, right?
—That's not fair.
—In games, nothing is fair, either you adapt or you die, that's a gamer law.
—But I always end up dying.
—Stop being a baby and let's play. We spent the whole afternoon playing, and even though I always lost to her, for the first time in a long time, I started to enjoy playing. (My frustration about losing seemed to fade away when we laughed together, when we competed. It was a strange feeling, but a pleasant one.)
Then she asked me:
—Hey, can I call you by your name?
—Sure, no problem.
(I was surprised by the question. Something so simple, but it made me feel... more human, for some reason.)
—You know, there's something I'd like you to tell me.
—Yes, what is it?
She looked at me for a moment, as if she were deciding whether to ask the question or not. Her eyes, always so bright and confident, softened slightly.
—I noticed your hands kept shaking while we were playing.
(I felt a knot in my stomach. Although I tried to hide it, I knew I wasn't doing as well as I thought.)
—Yeah, and?
(My voice sounded colder than I expected. I wanted to change the subject, but I knew it wouldn't be easy. Lilian had a way of making me face things I didn't want to acknowledge.)
—I'm going to ask directly. Do you suffer from Parkinson's?
(The question hit me like a direct punch. It didn't bother me, but the sincerity in her tone left me vulnerable. I couldn't lie.)
—No, absolutely not... I only suffer from a disease called Essential Tremor.
(I saw her make a slight grimace of understanding. I couldn't tell if it was because of my answer or because of the disease itself.)
—And that's not the same thing?
—No, of course not. This only manifests in one part of the body and isn't chronic.
(I watched her expression change a little, as if she were processing the information. But instead of looking at me with pity, all I sensed was a slight, genuine concern. It was... comforting.)
—I understand, thanks for telling me.
—It's okay, no problem.
(It was the first time in a long while that someone looked at me without that shadow of pity or compassion. It was a relief to talk about it, even though I wasn't entirely comfortable with the topic.)
—Can I ask one more thing?
—Go ahead.
(Here it was. I knew it was a complicated question, but the atmosphere had changed. We weren't in the battlefield of the game anymore; we were in the battlefield of our personal realities.)
—Brian, why did you have that idiot attitude earlier?
(I stayed silent for a moment. She had caught me off guard, and I didn't know how to answer. But her sincerity forced me to be just as honest.)
It was then that I opened up and told her:
—I'm not an idiot, it's just that I've always been very careful with the people around me.
(I thought about how I had always distanced myself from people. How I had built walls to prevent getting hurt. And somehow, I realized that Lilian had started to tear down those walls, even if she didn't know it.)
—But you don't seem like someone shy at all.
(It's true, I wasn't. But sometimes, people don't need to see the shyness. They only see the hard shell I've built to protect myself.)
—I know what you mean, and it's not that I'm not shy, it's just that there are things a man can't share with others.
(It was an excuse, I knew. But in my world, people weren't to be trusted. And I wasn't going to allow myself to be vulnerable that easily.)
—You must be a man of few friends, huh?
—Hmm, let's say that's true.
(I said it casually, but deep down, something in that answer hurt. The truth was that yes, I had few friends. And most of them didn't really know me.)
—I understand a little of what you're trying to say, and it's true. Most people who try to get close to me are people who are trying to gain something from the process.
(Her answer made me think. Did she really feel the same way about people? Maybe there was more to her than I had seen.)
—It's the world we live in, but well... I know there are still people who don't seek that.
—Are you talking about yourself, aren't you?
(Her question was direct. Maybe she was referring to her own way of being, to what she had felt all this time. It surprised me, because up until then, I had thought she was just a star, someone who couldn't understand how I felt.)
—Maybe.
(At that moment, the way she looked at me changed. It was as if everything we had shared up to that point had connected the pieces of a puzzle. And in that instant, she understood.)
—I like you.
(My heart skipped a beat. I wasn't expecting that. And yet, something inside me felt relieved. Maybe not everything was lost. Maybe there was something more here, something beyond the game, beyond the masks we both wore.)
After that, we started meeting and playing together at the Foster Cybercafé. After a while, I invited her to play at my Penthouse, and she at her apartment.
Three months after we first met at Foster, we began to get closer and closer. And little by little, we started dating.
(I never imagined that something as simple as an online game could change my life so much. Lilian was not only the best gamer I met but also the person who started tearing down my walls. And although at first, I thought all this was just a challenge, I realized that the biggest thing I won wasn't the game, but something much more important: her.)