"Cassandra? What's wrong?"
Cassandra could feel the tears streaking down her cheeks. She was angry at herself for crying in front of them, for crying at all.
"I'm gonna go home," she said. "I'll see you at school."
Julianna followed her to the door. "You can't walk home!" Cassandra could tell that Julianna didn't mean this in the, "You're too emotionally fragile" sense, but the more practical, "We live in Westchester County and there are no sidewalks" sense.
Cassandra consented to the ride. She sat in the passenger seat while Julianna connected her phone over Bluetooth.
"Look, if this is about Aidan…" Julianna began.
"It's not about Aidan. I promise."
"Just talk to him."
Cassandra said nothing. She was trying to understand what had happened.
She had never been able to see the numbers of fictional characters before. Had her power somehow gotten stronger? And what had triggered it? As much as her power had always disturbed her, there was a comfort in knowing it was stagnant. Now, knowing that it could change and develop, there was no telling what could happen now. Would she start seeing the numbers of flowers and ladybugs? Of words on the page?
When she got home and looked at her phone, there was a message.
From Aidan.
Aidan: quick question
Cassandra: Yeah?
Aidan: how was the cookie party
Cassandra: Was that the quick question? Or are you just separately asking about what I did today?
Aidan: both
Cassandra: It was okay
Cassandra: Julian and Julianna can be a lot sometimes
Aidan: oh shit, he was there too? Wasn't it a girls only thing
Cassandra: Where ones goes, the other follows
Aidan: true
Aidan: might be easier if you hung out with people you liked being around instead
Cassandra: I feel like, at this point, that would be a very small list
Aidan: share with the class
Cassandra: I'm afraid you'll turn it into an Excel spreadsheet or something
Aidan: i do know lots of macros
Cassandra: They're not bad people or anything
Cassandra: I think being near them just makes me realize that I'm bad
Cassandra: Or something
Aidan: bad how
Cassandra: It's not even explainable, believe me
Aidan: well, let's check
Aidan: have you killed anyone
Cassandra: No
Aidan: then you're probably not that bad
Cassandra: There are lots of levels of bad in between killing people and not killing people
Cassandra: It's stupid but I'm starting to feel like it's possible to exist in a way that is bad, and nothing you can do can change it
Aidan: respectfully, i think you know that isn't true
Aidan: allow me to continue the diagnostic
Aidan: have you ever raped anyone
Cassandra: No
Aidan: then you're probably not that bad
Cassandra: "Probably not"?
Aidan: diagnostics aren't an exact science, there's a margin of error
Aidan: last question
Aidan: do you worry about whether you're doing the right thing
Cassandra: Yes
Aidan: then you're probably not that bad
Cassandra: Take this as a hypothetical
Aidan: okay i'm ready for the hypothetical
Cassandra: Imagine a person had the ability to see the last time a person had sex
Aidan: LMAO
Aidan: okay imagining it
Aidan: so what's the question?
Cassandra: Wouldn't that kind of be an example of a person who is fundamentally bad?
Aidan: is the person with the ability using it on purpose?
Cassandra: No, the person can't control it
Aidan: so how is it their fault?
Aidan: not their fault, therefore not bad
Aidan: besides, seems pretty harmless and hilarious tbh
Cassandra: So you wouldn't mind being around a person who could see the most personal aspects of your life and not knowing about it?
Aidan: have you met most guys
Aidan: constantly bragging about the last time they had sex
Aidan: they might love it
Cassandra: But it means that person would be able to see which of those guys were lying
Aidan: so
Cassandra: So would you want to be around a person who could see everything about you like that without your permission?
Aidan: "everything about you" is a bit of an exaggeration, it's just sex
Cassandra: Well, answer the question
Cassandra: How would you feel about someone being able to see that about you?
Aidan: honestly?
Aidan: if it was someone i liked and trusted and wanted to be around anyway, then they would either, A, already know, or B, be the type of person i would tell that sort of thing to anyway
Aidan: and if not, then why do i care what they know or think?
Cassandra: I think most people aren't like that
Cassandra: I think most people, I don't even know how to say this, but
Cassandra: I think most people need to be seen a certain way
Cassandra: And taking that away from them, against their will, is like
Cassandra: Violent
Aidan: then, if your question is, who is bad in this scenario, the person seeing or the person being seen
Aidan: then i think it's the person being seen if they react in such an immature way
Aidan: here's an example
Aidan: say someone has a really bad pimple and i happen to see it, without even saying something
Aidan: am i bad for seeing something?
Aidan: i would only be bad if i changed my behavior or attitude towards the person, but just noticing it alone isn't bad
Aidan: but if the person with the pimple allows their own insecurity about me seeing their pimple to consume them, then they're bad
Aidan: not even in the sense of morally bad
Aidan: just bad at being a person
Aidan: bad at being alive
Cassandra: Before, you used "rape" as one of the criteria for being a bad person
Cassandra: But wouldn't this power be a little, at least, rape-adjacent?
Cassandra: It's like seeing through someone's clothes
Aidan: even by that logic, it's not by choice, right
Cassandra: Choosing to go outside, choosing to talk to people, choosing to not blind yourself, those are all choices, so not choosing those is a choice
Aidan: expecting a person to live in a cave or blind themselves because they have the worst superpower ever invented is more evil than any superpower could ever be
Aidan: is this the plot of some new show on hulu
Aidan: if so i'm canceling my subscription
Cassandra: No, just a weird story idea
Aidan: dystopian sci-fi novelist could be an interesting identity for you
Aidan: let me know if you want to keep worldbuilding
Cassandra: Will do
Cassandra: See you tomorrow
Aidan: good night
She put her phone next to her pillow and set her alarms for the next day. And, although she rarely remembered her dreams, that night she could recall all of them, down to the slightest detail.