"Who are you calling an unwanted old hag who's gone thirty years without a single relationship?!"
Come on, Yazuki never even said the latter half of that sentence.
Isn't this basically a self-own? That bad? Thirty years without a single relationship? She's on the same level as that violent female teacher from his school.
From a realistic perspective, any normal person would think—this office lady has all the right curves in all the right places, yet she's never even been in a relationship?
Single for thirty years?
There has to be something seriously wrong with her that makes people avoid her like the plague. Just like that violent female teacher.
Judging by the way she was practically dying to ask Eriri such straight-to-the-point, no-filter questions earlier, she was probably a severely thirsting perverted woman who had scared off countless men.
If a man were to bring a woman like this into his home and didn't have enough control over her, he'd probably find himself wearing a nice, fresh patch of green on his head in no time.
Of course, she had mentioned that she was pure and innocent back in her student days, which wasn't a problem.
The issue was that she had been too pure.
Once she entered society and started to understand certain things, year after year, day after day, she kept suppressing her desires. By the time she finally decided to pursue a relationship, she had already reached an unfortunate age, and the bottled-up desires within her had built up to a rather dangerous level.
Judging from this office lady's words, she had yet to experience that kind of thing. That meant the beast was still caged, but once the lock was opened… who knows?
She might just end up preying on defenseless elementary schoolers.
It wasn't impossible. Look, right there in the nearby convenience store, separated by a glass wall, the news was broadcasting a report about some female teacher's perverted behavior.
"W-Who would attack an elementary schooler?!"
The office lady had clearly read Yazuki's thoughts from his gaze and had also noticed the news report on the convenience store's TV. Her face darkened instantly, veins throbbing on her forehead as she let out a roar like a lioness from the east.
"Hey, Obasan, could you not spit while talking? It's gross."
Yazuki's tone was filled with blatant disgust as he pulled out a handkerchief to wipe his face. His words only made her expression twist even further.
Meanwhile, Eriri, who was standing beside them, was visibly shaken by the Old Lady's contorted face. Her blue eyes seemed to glow ominously red, emitting a murderous aura, while her mouth was twisted into something that looked ready to bite. She clutched Yazuki's sleeve, silently urging him to stop provoking her.
"Obasan, getting angry isn't good for your health. Look, your makeup is smudged, and your wrinkled face are completely exposed. Wow, that looks way past thirty—more like way, way past it!"
(T/N: Gaddamn dude don't hold back XD.)
His exaggerated look of shock was the final straw. Just as the lady was about to explode, she suddenly deflated like a punctured balloon, flustered and scrambling through her bag for something.
"Impossible! I check my face carefully every day and visit the salon regularly! How could I have wrinkled face?!"
Her panic was evident as she pulled out a compact mirror and immediately inspected the corners of her eyes. Nothing seemed wrong, her skin was smooth. She even touched it with a slightly trembling finger to make sure.
A second later, her face darkened. That bastard lied to her.
"W-Where did they go?!"
The two who had been right in front of her were now completely gone. Damn it, she was livid!
And then she noticed something even worse.
At some point, several onlookers had gathered around, all casting her peculiar glances filled with disappointment and silent sighs.
The worst part?
The convenience store clerk had looked back and forth between her and the news report about the perverted female teacher, as if debating whether or not to call a certain number.
Her mouth twitched violently as she hurriedly fled the scene, looking utterly humiliated.
Next time I see that sharp-tongued brat, I'll make sure to teach him a lesson!
But—argh!—she was still so pissed off! Maybe she should go cry to…
Wait, no, no! If that girl found out, she'd never hear the end of it. That girl would mock her into oblivion.
Damn it!
—
"Huff… Huff…"
Heavy breaths came from a pair of soft, cherry-colored lips belonging to a blonde-haired girl—none other than Sawamura Spencer Eriri.
She had dragged Yazuki away while the lady was distracted by her makeup. Not because she was afraid of the lady losing her mind, but because their conversation had started drawing a crowd.
She didn't want things to escalate in public and end up embarrassing herself, so she had no choice but to drag him away.
This guy's mouth was way too venomous!
"You know, calling her 'Obasan' like that was pretty mean."
Eriri huffed in annoyance. In reality, before the lady had self-destructed, she had only looked like she was in her early twenties; a well-endowed, mature beauty who had nothing to do with the word Obasan.
"I wasn't wrong, though. She is thirty. Isn't that the age of an Obasan?"
Yazuki's response was completely natural.
"Hah? How do you know she's thirty?"
Eriri was curious. From Yazuki's tone, it was clear he had known her age even before she blurted it out. Did he know her from somewhere? No, that didn't seem right…
"I saw it on her employee ID."
"Employee ID?"
Wait, employee ID? She hadn't seen any—
Her brain replayed the earlier scene in slow motion like a movie, scanning every detail. Then, she locked onto a crucial point. Her expression froze.
That ID… had been stuck right in a rather voluptuous area. The top button of her white blouse hadn't been fastened properly, revealing a deep valley that Eriri could only feel jealousy toward.
And right there, nestled between those peaks, was an ID card.
From her angle, she hadn't been able to see the information on it, but Yazuki clearly had.
Eriri's expression slowly turned deadpan as she stared at Yazuki with utter contempt.
"Pervert. Scumbag. Filthy degenerate!"
Her voice dripped with disgust as she instinctively crossed her arms over her chest in a defensive posture.
Yazuki merely shrugged, completely unfazed. Then, with an obnoxiously pitying glance, he gave a brief look at Eriri's flat status.
"Sorry, but I have no interest in three-dimensional washboards."
His voice carried a deep sense of regret.
Eriri froze. Her head slowly tilted, her bangs covering her eyes.
"T-T-Three-dimensional… washboard…?"
The way she murmured it, syllable by syllable, sounded utterly deadly. From beneath her bangs, a dark, crimson glow flickered in her eyes, her entire body trembling as if she were about to go berserk.
And then—
"DIE!!!"
She lunged at him like a rocket, moving so fast that even Yazuki, who had been ready for it, couldn't dodge in time. Her head slammed into his chest, nearly knocking the air out of his lungs, and the next moment, the two of them tumbled together in a chaotic mess.
Oh, and by the way, they just happened to be near a sloped embankment by a river.
So naturally, they rolled straight down.
"SPLASH—!"