It all began not with war, famine, or rebellion but with an international shortage of marble.
Not because of construction.
Not because of architecture.
But because every kingdom, duchy, principality, and underwater mermaid alliance had decided to build a statue of Ren.
Some were reclining. Some were napping. One was mid-snore on a celestial waterbed sculpted from sapphire.
One dwarven kingdom had even made a 900-meter-tall Ren statue that doubled as a recliner-themed mountain resort. Tourists paid tribute by sleeping in matching pajamas.
Aria slammed the palace doors open, again, nearly frothing at the mouth. "REN. WAKE UP. WE HAVE A STATUE CRISIS."
Ren didn't even open his eyes. "Mmm. Make it marble-flavored…"
"THAT'S NOT EVEN" She inhaled sharply. "The world has run out of marble, Ren! They're using imported moon rocks now! The Lunar Kingdom had to auction off its mountains just to build another statue of you in their Moonlight Nap Gardens!"
Ren yawned, then turned slightly. "Humble."
"NO, NOT HUMBLE! THERE'S NOW A BLACK MARKET FOR PILLOWS SCULPTED IN YOUR IMAGE! A cult has formed around it! They chant bedtime lullabies as hymns!"
The system chimed.
---
[Passive Ability Activated: Rewarded for Inaction]
[Effect: The more absurd the worship, the greater the reward.]
[Bonus Effect: You now passively generate cults of relaxation wherever you go.]
---
A cloaked figure suddenly emerged from the shadows of the throne room. "Your Grace of Eternal Slumber. I am Prophet Snuggleforth, Leader of the 88,888 Sacred Sleep Acolytes."
Ren squinted. "The who?"
Prophet Snuggleforth bowed deeply. "We have spread the Way of the Weighted Blanket across every continent. Please accept this sacred offering: a self-heating, auto-massaging nap pod made from the fur of cloud beasts and dreams of orphans."
Aria sputtered. "THAT'S NOT EVEN A REAL THING!"
The system chimed again.
---
[New Passive Acquired: Napfluence]
[Effect: The more people copy your lifestyle, the stronger your aura of divine laziness becomes.]
[Bonus: Converts violent intentions around you into urges for hot cocoa and foot massages.]
---
Garth entered, sipping hot cocoa. "By the way, there's been a global drop in crime, conflict, and stress. The last warlord just disbanded his army to form a spa resort."
Aria stared. "Of course he did."
Ren stretched. "Mmm. That's what I like to call diplomacy."
Suddenly, the ground shook.
A thunderous noise echoed across the skies. Clouds parted. A massive golden scroll descended from the heavens.
Ren blinked. "Did I order something?"
The scroll unfurled in mid-air, revealing divine calligraphy.
> To the Overlord of Chill, Monarch of Naps, Conqueror of Doing Absolutely Nothing,
We, the Pantheon of Gods, formally request a cease-and-desist. Your passive aura is making Heaven too relaxed. Our angels have stopped playing harps. One is running a bakery now.
Please… take on at least one task.
Signed,
The Divine HR Department
Ren scratched his head. "...Nah."
A moment passed.
The scroll burst into flames.
The sky dimmed.
And then
---
[Divine Defiance Triggered]
[Effect: Refusing godly authority grants you new divine tier ability: 'Cosmic Recline']
[Bonus Effect: Your existence now bends divine law in your favor. Also, clouds will now form natural shade wherever you go.]
---
Garth clapped slowly. "My Liege. I believe you just out-lazed the gods themselves."
Ren reclined fully into his throne. "What can I say? It's a talent."
Just then, a royal pigeon flew in, wearing a golden sash and tiny monocle. It dropped a letter and saluted.
Aria picked it up. "It's from the United Beast Nations. They've declared you the Supreme Alpha of their Global Naptime Treaty."
Garth blinked. "Wait. Are those nations of talking animals?"
Aria nodded.
"...Who all agree to nap under Ren's spiritual guidance?"
Another nod.
The system chimed one final time for the day.
---
[World Event Complete: The Great Statue Crisis]
[Result: Peaceful resolution via passive worship.]
[Reward: Mythic-Grade Pillow Artifact – 'Slumbercore Eternium: The Infinite Comfort']
[Effect: Once rested upon, time slows within a 1-mile radius to maintain your nap undisturbed.]
---
Ren flopped onto it.
The world slowed.
Birds paused mid-flight.
Aria froze in place mid-rant.
And Ren? He yawned and drifted off.
Even time itself had no choice… but to take a break.
Thus, the Great Statue Crisis was resolved.
Effortlessly.
---