Hello everyone, to those who are present, it's kind of nostalgic to think I would be writing to all of you. There is so much to say but so less time, I will keep this letter as short as I can.
To those who lend their ears to these final reflections, I extend my sincerest wish for a life imbued with happiness. I bid farewell to the confines of this palace, a place that has encapsulated my existence for now eighteen years. Profound gratitude is owed to those who have played a role in shaping my life within these opulent walls.
Despite my royal lineage, I have endured an anguish childhood, leaving with deep scars and a burning desire for freedom.
This empire, my birthplace and crucible of my upbringing, harbors a trove of memories—both cherished and shrouded in darkness.
The mantle of a crown prince demanded a strategic dance, akin to a king's gambit on a chessboard. The gravity of my role, akin to that of a monarch, rendered me cautious. A chess game unfolds where, if the king falters, so too does the kingdom.
Though not yet an emperor, the expectations bestowed upon me necessitated a regal demeanor. The suffocating constraints compelled me to refuse to give up my true thoughts, as if an unseen presence lingered, probe my every move.
Nostalgia spread throughout my reflection on the days spent within these hallowed halls. Yet, the question lingers—can the omissions in our words inflict more profound psychological wounds than the tangible blows of physical harm? The echoes of disparaging words, whispered in the shadowed corridors of the palace, have left indelible scars on my psyche. Palace maids, siblings, ministers—each a contributor to the symphony of disdain that orchestrates my emotional turmoil.
The isolation, the disparagement—the silent battles waged within the recesses of my soul remained concealed, known only to the veiled shadows of despair. Suicide became an unwelcome companion, a desperate attempt to escape the shackles of emotional torment, unnoticed by the oblivious denizens of the palace.
Even as the Crown Prince, autonomy was but an illusion. The minutiae of life—food, attire, meetings, words—prescribed by others. A puppeteer orchestrating a façade, concealing the authenticity that lay dormant within.
Eight years of duty, devotion, and sacrifice for an empire that flourished in the absence of bloodshed. My siblings enjoyed the pursuit of their desires, the emperor reveled in opulence, and yet, my existence remained a distorted reflection—unseen, unacknowledged.
Roads, bridges, schools—a legacy of infrastructure built; soldiers, farmers—a populace cared for; peace brokered among nobles—yet, the shadows of ingratitude persisted. A promise, a sacred covenant born of a mother's final wishes, tethered me to a responsibility that could not be unveiled until the precipice of life's conclusion.
In the tapestry of my narrative, the threads of duty, sacrifice, and unspoken agony weave a complex mosaic. The symphony of my silence now echoes in these parting words.
In the grand halls of our empire, I've come to know the secrets veiled within the palace walls – the untold truths that could shatter the very foundation of our royal lineage.
I bear the weight of my mother's legacy, aware of the shadows that linger, revealing the demise orchestrated by unseen hands.
Astonishingly, she chose a path of forgiveness instead of vengeance.
To my dear siblings, I extend my apologies for any moments of anger or unkindness. Despite your hostility, I love you all very much and wishes for your happiness Witnessing your births brought unparalleled joy, akin to celestial beings gracing the earthly realm.
Despite the palace's cunning games, I strived to be a devoted and responsible elder sibling.
Even if our paths never cross, my desire is to grant you every wish. You, innocent of the palace's treacheries, deserve unbridled happiness. My earnest wish was that, as your elder brother, I could shield you from the palace's deceit.
May the happiness I sought for myself now belong to you, my cherished brothers and sisters.
Having never experienced love or acceptance within my own family, I yearn to find a place where I can be valued and respected for who I am.
In my pursuit of universal love, my gaze rested on Rose, my ex-fiancée – the love of my life and most important person for me after my mother demise. Her rejection stung, yet my love for her was unwavering and endless.
It was unspoken events unfolded which affected me but it's not appropriate for me to say other things here.
Life, from the onset, proved arduous. Post my mother's demise, Rose became the beacon of my affections. In a world teeming with faces, she stood as my sole devotion. My mother's counsel echoed – never make a girl cry, and for the one you love, relinquish all for her happiness.
Bound by the responsibilities thrust upon me as crown prince, my days were marred by perpetual stress.
The weight of constant meetings, document scrutiny, judgments, and self-preservation bore heavily upon me. I contemplated an escape from this mental turmoil, but my duty detained me within the palace's confines.
Recent years unfolded as a lone flower amidst rocks – distinctive and isolated. God, it seemed, bestowed misfortunes upon me, making my existence a canvas for suffering. The warmth of being loved faded, while those who harbored resentment endured.
Reflecting on my past, darkness loomed, devoid of a glimmer of light. Even if a flicker emerged, it vanished swiftly. I denounce this time, this place, the devil, and all his machinations!
Loneliness enveloped my existence, with hatred as my constant companion. Living seemed devoid of joy, and the solitude became unbearable. I yearned for someone to stand by me through all emotions.
In my departure, I hope for your happiness. Live the lives you desire, embrace joy, and remember the black star that once dimmed the royal radiance. I harbor no hatred; Crown Prince Alex's end marks the end of animosity.
In retrospect, irritation festers for recent events, yet I remained in the palace for eighteen years to honor a promise, not due to societal expectations.
As my mother once said, "Even the moon weeps for someone at night, that's why the leaf adorned with dew at dawn." My journey, once fraught with disdain, concludes without harboring resentment.