"Like—what is actually wrong with you?" she snapped. "I just want us to have a normal conversation. Why do you keep acting like an idiot? Am I doing anything to you? I just want to talk!"
It was the first time she called me names.
So she was finally showing her true colors, huh?
"Sasha, right?" I said.
"Yeah." She folded her arms, frowning. We were walking—well, I was walking home. She was following me.
I stopped in my tracks.
"Haven't you had enough fun already?" My voice was cold. "I already have guys harassing me. If you keep trying to get close to me, I'll report you to the school authorities. I swear I will."
I meant every word.
This past month's been hell.
I get bullied—a lot. To the point I'm actually thinking of dropping out.
I hate this girl.
I hate her so much.
"What… harassing?" she stopped, confused, but I didn't. I kept walking.
I'm attending this school on scholarship. I can't afford the tuition on my own. But no matter how desperate I am for an education… if it gets bad enough that my life feels threatened, I'll just quit.
This hate—it's killing me.
Every night when I'm alone, I cry. The pain keeps piling up and there's no way to release it. It sits in my chest like a knife. And the more it builds, the more I start hating my life—more than I already do.
Then suddenly—
"Wait… please… tell me what's going on—"
She grabbed my arm from behind.
"FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shouted.
I shoved her.
She hit the wall.
Hard.
She crumpled.
My breath caught.
"Oh God," I stammered, eyes wide. "I… I didn't mean to—"
Dammit!
I ran.
Didn't even look back.
Couldn't.
I didn't want to see what I'd done.
That's it. I'm done. I'm quitting school.
I think I just killed her.
"Haha…" I let out a laugh. A broken, bitter sound.
My already messed up life just got even worse.
HA. HAHA.
What a joke.
I think… for a moment… I actually liked her.
For a split second, I believed those lies they show in movies and books. That maybe someone would come and wipe away the pain.
That love existed.
But no.
As always, I got the wrong end of the coin.
Whatever little affection I had for her—it's gone. Completely turned to hate.
The more those bastards tormented me, the more she smiled at me, acting like she didn't know anything. Pretending like we were friends. I'd hear her friends snickering behind my back whenever I passed.
The pain in my chest kept getting worse.
I never even asked her out.
Yet she still ruined my life.
Funny.
Real fucking funny.
Should've listened to that guy…
Can't even remember his name now.
Should've forgotten about her from the beginning.
Should've never looked at her.
We were never even on the same spectrum.
I hate it.
I hate her.
I hate everyone.
I hate this world.
And one day… I hope it burns.
I hope all the people who made me suffer feel everything I've felt—tenfold.
No.
A thousand-fold.
I hope they beg for mercy, the same way I beg the universe every night to make the pain stop.
"Hik…"
Tears again.
Of course.
MORE TEARS.
That's the punchline of my life, isn't it?
Just cry.
That's all I'm good for, right?
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, ISN'T IT?!
YOU WANT ME TO BREAK!
You win.
I've lost whatever chance I had at a normal life.
With my luck, she's probably dead now.
Heh.
I wish.
Sometimes I wish I was never born.
No—I wish that every day.
But I'm still here.
Somehow.
Still suffering.
Maybe I should stop waiting for life to end.
Maybe I should just… finish it myself.
…
A green traffic light blinked ahead.
Cars sped past.
And then, just like that—there it was.
The knife in my hand, metaphorically speaking.
The opportunity.
I smiled.
"Sigh…"
Whatever you are out there—whatever god, devil, fate, system—you win.
But I curse you.
I curse you with every ounce of pain you've ever shoved down my throat.
And if I ever get the chance to fight back… I won't kill you.
No.
I'll make you lose everything first.
Then I'll kill you.
"Sigh…"
Goodbye, fucking world.
I ran toward the oncoming traffic.
"ETHAN, NO!" a voice screamed behind me.
Sasha.
But it was too late.