The Astral Express was supposed to have a peaceful evening.
Pom-Pom had just finished inspecting the train after the big cleaning day, March had finally collapsed into a pile of pillows in the lounge, and even Welt had taken a break to enjoy a quiet moment with his coffee.
All was well.
Until a shriek of pure outrage echoed through the halls.
"WHO STOLE POM-POM'S NOODLES?!"
The entire train shook with the sheer force of Pom-Pom's distress.
March 7th, who had been seconds away from falling asleep, fell off the couch. "Wha—huh?! Who's attacking the Express?!"
Dan Heng peeked out from the archives with a deadpan expression. "That… was not an attack."
Zhongli, who had been brewing his evening tea, calmly set his cup down. He had faced many crises in his time. He had defended Liyue, fought gods, and negotiated contracts that spanned centuries.
But now, he was about to face a noodle-related emergency.
And the stakes had never been higher.
---
The Investigation Begins
Pom-Pom stormed into the lounge, their ears twitching with pure rage. "Pom-Pom left a sealed container of special Luminite Noodles in the kitchen! Now it's GONE!"
March, still half-asleep, raised a hand. "…Wait, what's a Luminite Noodle?"
Pom-Pom huffed. "A rare specialty from Jalamet's markets! They glow, they taste amazing, and now they are MISSING!"
Zhongli exhaled softly. "Then it seems we have a mystery to solve."
Pom-Pom nodded furiously. "Pom-Pom appoints you as the detective!"
March blinked. "Wait, him?"
Pom-Pom crossed their arms. "Pom-Pom trusts Zhongli's wisdom! And his ability to uncover TRUTH!"
Zhongli gave a small nod. "Very well. I shall take this case with the same dedication I have given to every contract."
Dan Heng sighed. "This is ridiculous."
March grinned. "No, this is AMAZING. We have a noodle heist on our hands!"
Pom-Pom slammed their tiny paw on the table. "FIND THE CULPRIT!"
And so, the investigation began.
---
Suspect #1: March 7th
Zhongli turned to March. "You were last seen in the kitchen earlier today. Do you have anything to confess?"
March gasped dramatically. "What?! Are you accusing me of noodle theft?!"
Pom-Pom narrowed their eyes. "Pom-Pom finds this SUSPICIOUS!"
March huffed, crossing her arms. "Okay, yes, I was in the kitchen. But I was just getting juice!"
Zhongli studied her carefully. "And you did not see the noodles?"
March hesitated. "Uh… well… I might've seen them…"
Pom-Pom leaned in. "AND?"
March scratched her cheek. "…And I might've thought about stealing them."
Pom-Pom gasped. "AHA!"
March threw her hands up. "BUT I DIDN'T! Because Himeko walked in, and I panicked and ran!"
Zhongli gave a slow nod. "A compelling alibi. We shall confirm with Himeko."
Pom-Pom glared suspiciously. "Pom-Pom is watching you."
March sighed in relief. "Okay, cool. Not a criminal. Next suspect, please!"
---
Suspect #2: Himeko
Himeko was found in the engine room, casually sipping a cup of wine.
She raised a brow as the group approached. "So, what's with the serious faces?"
Pom-Pom squinted. "HIMEKO, DID YOU STEAL POM-POM'S NOODLES?!"
Himeko blinked. Then, she laughed.
"Me? Steal your noodles? Pom-Pom, you wound me."
Zhongli stepped forward. "March claims you were in the kitchen during the suspected noodle theft window."
Himeko smirked. "Oh, I was there. But if I stole them, I wouldn't be drinking wine right now, would I?"
March gasped. "SHE'S RIGHT! She'd be drinking broth!"
Dan Heng sighed. "That is… not how evidence works."
Zhongli considered her words. "Then, did you witness anything suspicious?"
Himeko thought for a moment. "Now that you mention it… Welt was in the kitchen after me."
Pom-Pom gasped. "ANOTHER SUSPECT!"
March grinned. "Oooooh, we're closing in!"
---
Suspect #3: Welt Yang
The group found Welt reading quietly in the archives. He looked up as they entered.
Welt sighed. "Let me guess. This is about the noodle situation."
Pom-Pom slammed their tiny paw on the desk. "WERE YOU IN THE KITCHEN?!"
Welt sighed again. "Yes. But only to make coffee."
March leaned in. "Are you sure you weren't also making… noodle broth?"
Welt gave her a flat look. "March, if I wanted noodles, I would simply make my own."
Pom-Pom frowned. "Pom-Pom is starting to doubt everything."
Zhongli stroked his chin. "Then that leaves only one possibility."
The room fell silent.
All eyes turned to…
Dan Heng.
---
Suspect #4: Dan Heng
Dan Heng stared at them. "No."
March gasped. "YOU DID IT!"
Dan Heng pinched the bridge of his nose. "I did not steal the noodles."
Zhongli tilted his head. "And yet, the evidence suggests otherwise."
Dan Heng sighed. "What evidence?"
Pom-Pom huffed. "Pom-Pom remembers now! You were seen leaving the kitchen AFTER Welt!"
March pointed dramatically. "WHICH MEANS YOU WERE THE LAST ONE THERE!"
Dan Heng folded his arms. "This is absurd."
Zhongli, ever composed, simply said, "Then can you explain the empty noodle container in the trash bin of your room?"
Dan Heng froze.
March gasped. "DAN HENG, YOU MONSTER!"
Pom-Pom collapsed to the floor. "Pom-Pom's noodles… GONE!"
Dan Heng sighed. "I was hungry."
March pointed at him. "THAT'S NO EXCUSE FOR NOODLE THEFT!"
Pom-Pom sniffled. "Pom-Pom trusted you…"
Dan Heng exhaled. "Fine. I'll buy you another pack at the next market."
Pom-Pom perked up immediately. "Pom-Pom accepts this repayment."
March whispered to Zhongli, "Did… did Pom-Pom just extort Dan Heng for noodles?"
Zhongli took a sip of his tea. "Justice has been served."
And thus, the Case of the Missing Noodles came to an end.
---
Chapter 15 Preview: March & Zhongli's Cooking Disaster
March decides she wants to learn how to cook.
Zhongli agrees to supervise.
But when March insists on making an experimental dish, can even an Archon prevent disaster?
Or will the kitchen itself be lost?
Find out in the next chapter!
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Author's Note: (~‾▿‾)~ 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜