"It's not working..."
Jaegyeom, who had been staring blankly at Yoon Taehee, suddenly snapped back to his senses. He shoved his shoulder, pushing him away from the wall, then rubbed his own forehead with the back of his
hand. Looking down at the blood on his hand with a strange expression, Jaegyeom asked, "You... what did you just do?"
Yoon Taehee, staggering backwards, gave no answer.
A few days ago, Jaegyeom collapsed after being hit by the spiritual energy spray from the Ceremonial Instruments Department. It was supposed to be ineffective on humans, but that day it had stopped Jaegyeom's rampage right before their eyes.
Then perhaps you are not human.
For a fleeting moment, that's what Yoon Taehee thought. No, what he hoped.
'Shall I tell you how to make ghosts your servants? You are a human with the mark of the hometown, so if you set your mind to it, you can control ghosts. Draw blood from your hand and make a straight line on the ghost's forehead, then call its name. Then that ghost will become yours.'
At this moment, Yoon Taehee wished that Jaegyeom was a ghost instead. He wished he was a phantom-like existence that was here but not here, not here but here. If so, he could make him his, unable to leave anywhere without his permission and orders...
Even if it meant doing that, Yoon Taehee wanted to keep Jaegyeom by his side forever.
But it was a foolish thought. It was just a stupid action born from momentary madness and obsession. The method Sisi had taught him didn't work. In the end, Jaegyeom was human. A living, breathing human who pushed Yoon Taehee into the depths of despair.
Realizing this, Yoon Taehee felt as lonely as the dead in this moment.
"Hey, I'm asking you. What did you just do?"
The streetlight created an eerie backlight along the contours of Yoon Taehee's face. Yoon Taehee let his hands hang limply. Blood was still flowing from the wound he had made by biting his finger. The blood slowly seeping from his finger dripped onto the asphalt ground. With his head bowed low, Yoon Taehee said,
"I like you."
A confession completely unrelated to the question, out of context, flew out. At the quiet mumble uttered by the man with his head bowed, a crack appeared in Jaegyeom's icy expression.
"..."
As Jaegyeom remained silent, unable to find the right words to say, Yoon Taehee, still looking down at his feet with his head bowed, moved his lips.
"Do you know?"
Yoon Taehee was asking if he knew that he liked him.
Of course he knows, having heard those words of affection so many times before. Jaegyeom, who had been silent all this time, reluctantly offered an answer.
"Yes. I know."
"I see, so you know."
At that, Yoon Taehee nodded and shoved both hands into his pants pockets. Perhaps due to being drunk, his pronunciation was strangely drawn out, his voice slightly slurred, sounding much more languid than usual.
After a long while of nodding his head as if dozing off, Yoon Taehee finally spoke.
"So, why do you talk like that..."
Yoon Taehee, looking down at his feet, repeatedly lifted and lowered the toe of his shoe slightly, as if trying to maintain his balance. His vision was blurry from the alcohol.
"Tell me. Knowing that I love you, why do you talk like that?"
Until now, it had always been Jaegyeom who got angry. Every time, it was Yoon Taehee who made Jaegyeom angry by saying the wrong things. But this time was different. Now Yoon Taehee was angry at Jaegyeom. The Yoon Taehee before him looked very depressed and hurt.
Even Jaegyeom, who was not good at self-reflection, found himself wondering, 'Did I say something that harsh?' That's how precarious Yoon Taehee looked, swaying unsteadily. It was as if he was staging some kind of protest.
"..."
Jaegyeom was at a loss for words. No, words were floating around in his head, but he didn't know how or in what words to express them.
When Jaegyeom said nothing, Yoon Taehee gripped his own jaw with his large hand and nodded weakly as if to say 'that's enough'. Yoon Taehee, who had been facing Jaegyeom, turned his back staggeringly.
"...W-where are you going?"
At that, Jaegyeom instinctively grabbed Yoon Taehee's arm.
"What if something happens to you wandering around drunk late at night? You're really drunk right now. So just stay at my place tonight."
Yoon Taehee tilted his head askew and looked back at
jaegyeom.
"Are you worried about me?"
"Wouldn't you be worried if you were me? You're not in your right mind right now."
"..."
After staring blankly at the hand gripping his arm, Yoon Taehee chuckled.
"Why bother worrying about me when it'll all be over in two months anyway?"
At that, Jaegyeom hesitated and stared at Yoon Taehee.
"Wow... isn't that statement amazing?"
Yoon Taehee whispered in a gentle voice, his eyes half-closed.
"How powerful is it? Just by tacking on the words 'it'll all be over in two months, you can instantly turn someone into a fool. Don't you think so?"
"..."
Jaegyeom's face gradually hardened. Yoon Taehee was clearly mocking him now. As Jaegyeom's gaze grew colder, Yoon Taehee slowly removed his hand from his arm. Yoon Taehee's grip on Jaegyeom's wrist tightened. Yoon Taehee spoke in a low voice.
"You shouldn't be worrying about me like this after saying such things."
Yoon Taehee, who had wiped the smile off his face, looked down at Jaegyeom with dark eyes.
"Weren't you not giving a damn about someone like me? Neither of us cares about each other's feelings,
right? We just do whatever the fuck we want."
"..."
"Isn't that right?"
Finally, Jaegyeom's face hardened completely. Staring at Yoon Taehee with cold eyes, Jaegyeom yanked his wrist free, then nodded and said in a flat tone,
"Is that so? Fine. Do whatever you want."
Just as Jaegyeom turned his back, not wanting to continue the conversation any longer, Yoon Taehee grabbed his wrist again. Jaegyeom turned back to Yoon Taehee with fierce eyes.
"Let go."
Yoon Taehee, gripping Jaegyeom's wrist with strong force, frowned slightly. He had deliberately spoken harsh words as if to show off, but when Jaegyeom looked at him with cold eyes, Yoon Taehee felt unbearable. That momentary cold gaze and straight back painfully tore at his heart.
"Why is it only so hard for me?"
Yoon Taehee said in a low voice. His heart leaps dozens of times a day. The moments spent with you can be infinitely pleasant, but then become infinitely depressing as if flipping a hand.
"Everything about you is difficult for me, but I don't understand why I'm so easy for you."
Because of you, my world prospers and declines dozens of times a day.
You are the master of this desolate and brilliant territory. You are the cruelest, yet most merciful master of all. Just your curiosity about my meals makes my day perfect, and a single word you throw, a single glance you send, ruins my entire day.
You have no idea how painful this love is.
You so easily shatter my sense of self, destroy the world around me, and fade all the scenery I see to gray. The humiliation of not being able to be myself.
This humiliating love feels incredibly joyful, yet on some days it feels like a massive disaster.
At this moment, Yoon Taehee was standing in the ruins, in the aftermath of a disaster.
"You have no idea how hellish this is."
Grabbing Jaegyeom's collar rudely with both hands, Yoon Taehee spat out his words as if grinding them.
"What the hell are you trying to do now?"
Finally, Jaegyeom grabbed Yoon Taehee's hands gripping his collar and snarled. He couldn't understand what Yoon Taehee was so dissatisfied
with. They ate together, drank tea together, rode in his car, and even studied dictation together. Looking back, he had done everything Yoon Taehee had asked.
"So what more do you want me to do here!"
Hearing those words, Yoon Taehee's expression contorted as if swallowing bitter water. Yoon Taehee violently shoved Jaegyeom against the wall, painfully gripping his collar with his large hands. Their faces were so close their noses almost touched.
"That... that's what fucking pisses me off. Don't ask me what I want if you have no intention of listening
Yoon Taehee said, grinding out each word.
"Let go, there's a limit to what l'll tolerate as drunken behavior."
"You want to know? What do I really want?"
Yoon Taehee raised his voice, eyes wide.
"What I want?"
Yoon Taehee really seemed out of his mind. The back of his hand gripping the collar was white, with bones protruding. It was almost to the point of choking.
Jaegyeom glared at Yoon Taehee with sharp eyes.
"Let go before I break your wrist!"
As Jaegyeom struggled and snarled, Yoon Taehee spoke with ragged breath.
"Don't die."
"Don't die. That's what I want."
As Jaegyeom stopped all movement and stared at Yoon Taehee, he continued:
"No, you can't die."
"What?"
"I'm looking for a way to break the curse of immortality."
Yoon Taehee's hands gripping the collar trembled. He hated himself for finding a way to kill him who could not die. But as he always had, he would find a way.
"So postpone your death. That's what I want."
"You... what did you just say?"
At the sudden words, Jaegyeom's eyes shook for a moment.
"Everyone dies. You'll die someday too."
Yoon Taehee paused briefly before barely managing to speak again after a long while.
"But it won't be in two months."
Jaegyeom's face gradually hardened. He finally realized what Yoon Taehee was saying. He was thinking of breaking the curse of immortality placed on him.
"When did I ask you to break the curse? I asked you to kill me, not break the curse."
"I know. But you're going to live normally, age normally, and die normally."
"..."
Jaegyeom gritted his teeth, his face turning cold.
Originally, Yoon Taehee had promised to do it in two months. But now that he was changing his words, a corner of his heart felt like it was freezing over.
"...Why should I do that?"
Jaegyeom spoke, suppressing his emotions.
"Because I like you."
At Yoon Taehee's answer, Jaegyeom's shoulders finally shook sharply. He was furious to the tips of his hair.
He was seething at Yoon Taehee making decisions on his own without consulting him and acting selfishly.
Not knowing how much of a punishment each of my days is, suddenly telling me to postpone death?
"So, why should I do that?"
Jaegyeom enunciated each word as if muttering.
"When did I tell you to like me?"
At that moment, Yoon Taehee's hand trembled briefly.
"..."
Finally, the strength drained from the hand gripping the collar.
"I didn't want to like you either."
Just as you once let me go by missing your arrow, just as you pulled me out when I fell into the lake, just as you lifted me out of my crumbling childhood,
Because you've always saved me, so this time too,
Foolishly,
Expecting that you might save me as I suffocate falling in love,
"I didn't want to like you either..."
In the end, so pathetically
"I didn't want to like you..."
Yoon Taehee, who had been mumbling to himself, slowly turned his back. Dragging his shadow, stretched long in the streetlight, he walked away with staggering
steps like a zombie.