"The real enemy was you yourself, huh..."
Yoon Taehee, who was pondering, asked in passing.
"Do you regret killing your teacher?"
In the past, he often did. But now...
"No. I don't."
"Then that's good."
When Jaegyeom replied succinctly, Yoon Taehee smiled. He seemed to like Jaegyeom's answer. He added, with a light dimple forming on one side of his cheek.
"Because regretting the past is only a waste of emotions."
Their eyes locked clearly. Jaegyeom, who had been sitting with an indifferent face the whole time, wrinkled his brows at some point.
Suddenly, he came to his senses; why was sitting here talking to him? His mood was disturbed again. Unknowingly, he was swept away, following the unpleasant topic led by Yoon Taehee.
"Hey."
Jaegyeom opened his eyes and glared at him.
"Are you acting so proud about what you did before?"
Even if he said the right thing, Jaegyeom was offended by Yoon Taehee. He didn't expect to receive an apology, but it bothered him to act nonchalantly as if nothing had happened. He couldn't find the slightest bit of regret or remorse for the past.
"Shouldn't you have some regrets?"
Yoon Taehee quietly rested on his chin and replied.
"Regret is what you do when you do something wrong."
"Yeah, and?"
"I don't think I did anything wrong."
Jaegyeom's brows gathered on his forehead together as he blurted out, "What?".
"If I could turn back time and go back a week, I would do the same to you. So I have no regrets. Because my choice was always the best."
"..."
Jaegyeom's expression became even more harsh.
"You deceived and threatened me. You don't see anything wrong with that?"
"Sure. Like I said, I will do the same if I could go back."
Yoon Taehee threw his upper body over his table and crossed his arms. Her broad, stocky shoulders tightened and his shirt strained.
In a flash, his smile had completely disappeared, and his eyes were sharp and cold.
He said in a low voice.
"What if I told the truth that I was an exorcist, who infiltrated as a librarian from the beginning? What if, when I went to the bookstore to see you, I left you, who resented me and rejected even talking to me, and walked away? If so, would you have been sitting across from me like this?"
The bright eyes stared straight at Jaegyeom, who was sitting across from him. Yoon Taehee was well aware that there was some resentment left between the two of them. However, the reason why he responded to the conversation like this was probably because he helped the ginseng spirit child.
"That's right. I deceived you and threatened you. And you're sitting in front of me, looking at me, listening to me, and talking to me like this. That's what's important to me."
Yoon Taehee hated being hung up on things that had already passed. If you believe that you can move forward by using the mistakes of the past as a springboard, you have fallen into a trap. It would be only fortunate if it did not become a foothold instead of a shackle holding on to the ankle. If you follow a meaningless assumption that starts with 'if only I hadn't done that then', all you'll end up with is self-pity and self-loathing. Such is the swamp of the past.
"You said, " What you did won't go away," You're right. So, there's no need to regret it any more. Do you know why regret and remorse are such fucked up things? Simply regretting and being remorseful about the past, makes you think you've become a better person.
Even though all you did was sit still and think, suddenly your sense of guilt fades and you become forgiving with yourself."
Spilled water could not be picked up, and the past neither disappears nor changes. So there was no need to look back.
Because all sins were not of the past, they were already living with oneself. It would be troubling to leave them in the past, so there were no regrets. You just have to embrace them compliantly. Yoon
Taehee promised to do so a long time ago.
"So, will you accept it if I apologize for the past and say I was wrong?
Or, will you change your mind and become an exorcist? No, you would not."
What did it mean to hold on to, and look back on the irreversible?
Rather than drowning in the swamp of the past and struggling, it was only right to plan for the future and devise countermeasures.
Because it was much more beneficial and nutritious.
"And if I regret and apologize, what will it do you? You're just shoveling dirt into the ground, and at best, it will break even. In that case, l'd rather give you something tangible to gain, because that's much more productive."
It was when Yoon Taehee finished speaking and stared at the boy in front of him.
"You..."
Jaegyeom opened his mouth with one eye squinting.
"You're an unrivalled bastard."
It wasn't something that was meant as a criticism. It was just a pure expression of what he felt. He knew that he was a crooked guy from the start. However, when he talked like that openly, it was more than he thought.
Jaegyeom hated Yoon Taehee. He had no intention of becoming an exorcist, nor of wanting to get along well with him as friends.
Regardless of which side he was on, he thought it had nothing to do with him. And today, he came to school just to meet Cho Youngwoo.
Even though he knew that when he came to school he would run into Yoon Taehee.
Jaegyeom did not actively avoid meeting him. If he really didn't want to meet him, he would have managed to get away with it somehow.
He didn't go when he was called out, but jaegyeom came to the library, giving in to him. So why did he? He questioned himself, but he tried to pretend otherwise.
Yoon Taehee said that he was not affected by dongti, and he was curious about the reason, so he came to his house with an ill-tempered body. After that, he left a present by his bedside that he said he would give if he collected five stickers. Even though he had only three stickers.
'He looked very sick. So I offered to heal his wounds, and he said... He said that since my lord, who cannot be healed, will open your eyes only on your own, and then he will heal himself on his own.'
When he heard that from Mesani, even in early summer, Jaegyeom suddenly thought while looking at the cabin in the dome where there was a blizzard. Maybe he could listen to him for the first and last time. Because... Because he helped Mesani. And he gave him a gift too. And, also...
He thought maybe he wanted to make sure. He didn't know what exactly it was.
"..."
But now he's understood it all. Jaegyeom stood up from his seat as the chair dragged and squeaked. Then Yoon Taehee stretched out his arm and squeezed Jaegyeom's wrist tightly.
"Yeah, right. I'm a bastard."
Yoon Taehee said.
"But it's not like you didn't know that. Were you disappointed again?"
Yoon Taehee added in a low voice with an expressionless face.
"Because I'm a bastard, I'll turn against you. Isn't that right?"
At the words that followed, jaegyeom narrowed his eyes.
"Naryecheong will collapse. I'm going to break it.'
' wish it were you, the person who would join me in this rebellion.'
Jaegyeom looked at the back of his hand with veins protruding from his wrist.
"..."
The warmth that touched his skin was hot and heavy. Jaegyeom looked at Yoon Taehee with narrowed eyes. The moment their eyes met, his blood-soaked face seemed to overlap.
"Okay, good luck."
Jaegyeom replied coldly and twisted his wrist, signaling him to let go, but he didn't. Yoon Taehee lowered his eyes and said.
"You lied to me, you."
"Cut the crap and get your hands off me."
"When you said you didn't have any questions for me, you lied."
Jaegyeom frowned and tried to pull his wrist away roughly.
However, instead of shaking off Yoon Taehee, he pulled him closer with force from the opposite direction. Their upper bodies were pressed together across the table. Just when Jaegeom reflexively tried to withdrew his body at the close distance,
"You are curious about me. That's why you came here."
"Are you crazy? I have no interest in you."
Jaegyeom snapped back, his eyes narrowing.
"Really? Then I'll make you curious."
Yoon Taehee, who was looking down at Jaegyeom with his blank eyes, said.
"I will break Naryecheong and slit the head of the Naryecheong. My enemy, it's that person. The story is simple. My family was killed right in front of my eyes. It's a common revenge story."
Jaegyeom paused and looked up at Yoon Taehee.
"If you help me avenge me, I will help you avenge yourself."
Yoon Taehee added,
"... What?"
Jaegyeom's face hardened. He couldn't understand what Yoon Taehee was talking about. Help him get revenge? His revenge was complete long ago. At that moment, Yoon Taehee pulled him by the wrist. This time, his upper body leaned towards him as if he was hugging him. The distance was too close. Unknowingly, Jaegyeom placed his hand on Yoon Taehee's shoulder to support his body. His hard, broad shoulders were palpable through his shirt.
"You said your real enemy is different."
Yoon Taehee lowered his head and whispered in Jaegyeom's ear.
"I will kill you, for you."
A sharp reverberation lingered along with the breath.