For a while, I lay in the comfort of darkness before being pulled out by a familiar scent. The next time I knew my surroundings, I jolted awake to find myself in Wyatt's room again. A lavender incense was being burned next to me, the same scent Mom used to sleep with every night.
No, the entire Silver Manor smelled of it.
The whole manor usually smelled of that flower, but I wasn't home, which left me disoriented, unable to figure out what was real and what wasn't.
Was everything a dream? No...
It was impossible for everything that had happened to be a fantasy I had made. I also still felt the burning sensation in my chest, triggering me to take off my shirt to check what was going on. Someone covered me with bandages instead of being met with the usual skin. I was so preoccupied with the pain to notice Alijah, who was watching me, while he rested beside me.
The moment I tried to remove the wrappings, he grabbed me by my hands, preventing me from doing so. My eyes were glued to him, and I couldn't locate myself fully. My memory was jumbled, but when I saw Alijah, my hands trembled uncontrollably as they finally snapped together.
The beast, this wolf... All the pain I caused you!
Suddenly, my aches became secondary when I instinctively hugged him, who seemed fine at first glance. There was no trace of what I did to him on his body. Even so, I cried his name when he slowly peeled me off.
His eyes were bright red, pushing me back onto the bed.
"Stop. You'll tear your stitches out again, and you just started to heal, too," Alijah growled, narrowing his eyes.
The way he held me left shivers running down my spine as his demeanor was hard to read.
After everything that happened… I don't know where to start. Especially how I… got here.
"What happened?" I mumbled, shifting my gaze towards the side as the wolf held me down before leaning closer to me.
His fangs flashed for a moment as his lips curled downward, leaving me wanting to shrink where I was.
Ah… If you didn't hate me before, you surely do now.
I probably went overboard with my orders, but I wanted to ensure he was safe. He didn't know what would happen if I died.
Come to think of it, how did I survive that?
I guess my blood loss wasn't bad enough to kill me. However, it made me feel sluggish, and worse was the stitches he talked about. No wonder I felt discomfort.
Did Wyatt sew me up again? Crap, I forgot to tell him that I'm not like normal Lumas.
Stitches and Lycans never mixed well, which meant if my healing factor was going off, then the stitches would become more than a bothersome occurrence. Alijah didn't know how my healing worked, and neither did Wyatt. After all, most lumas didn't heal at all.
"I don't know, Rem. How about you tell me what the fuck that was about?" The wolf questioned.
Is it because of the cave or the orders?
My mind struggled to comprehend what was going on. Alijah was wearing clothes different from those I had bought him.
Are they Wyatt's? When did this… I…
I had failed in so many aspects.
Yet perhaps this is a blessing in disguise. I can give up this stupid, senseless love if you hate me.
The thought of him loathing me made my chest feel heavier than ever before, but it was for the best, even if we had become partners.
Crap… I could've been your close friend if I hadn't messed it up in that stupid cave! Argh! None of that matters! You can't know how I feel about you!
Though surely he knew already.
"I... thought I would die." I sighed, knowing nothing I said would be enough for him.
My words triggered Alijah to growl in response as his grip on me tightened, causing me to wince a bit. This wasn't the reaction I was expecting. After all, it looked like…
Don't you want me to die? I mean... we became partners, but won't it be better if I'm not around? You would be able to find Lilith without me freely… Ah, damn it, I'm... probably slowing you down, right?
"And who would've fucking won from that? Are you brain dead or something?" The wolf chided, voice breaking by the end.
Why… does it look like you care about me?
"I'm sorry if I worried you, but I don't understand why you're angry," I mumbled.
That's right… you want to kill me. I can't forget that.
If I had never met him, he wouldn't have been assaulted or nearly drowned.
"What?" Alijah muttered, eyes twitching as I dug my grave deeper each time I opened my mouth.
There was no escaping his wrath. Even so, I didn't know how to stop talking—one of my exceptional qualities Vera hated.
"Noisy, Rem," she called me all the time.
Shaking my head, I bit my lip. "I was freeing you. If I died, you would've been freed from this bond. Shouldn't that make you happy?"
A weird smile rose on his lips, triggering my heart to ache in ways I couldn't stand.
Ah… I hurt you.
I froze where I was as he let me go.
Why do you seem so hurt? Ah... I screwed up again!
"Yeah... Okay. I'll make a note next time. Fuck you, Rem." Alijah growled, pulling away from me before sitting in a chair nearby, grumbling to himself.
This wolf had left me blinking rapidly where I sat.
Why do you care? Why did you rush to catch me when I fell? I don't understand.
He was too much of a puzzle to solve, making my feelings unstable.
There is no way I won a small space in your heart, Alijah. It can't be.
This was a hope I would never allow myself to feel because if I did, I never let him go. Luckily, the burning from my chest kept me grounded as my focus quickly shifted to the bandages again. Unfortunately, the annoyed wolf in the room wouldn't let me at them, growling each time I reached to rip them off.
How can you say so many things without saying anything at all? From how you look at me, I can tell you're annoyed.
A soft sigh left me as any little sound I made seemed to irritate him.
Is it me, or am I walking on eggshells around you? Argh, I'm being impossible, aren't I? I should be happy that you care, but I'm terrified that I won't be able to hold back if I accept it. I'm already struggling to do that!
I was a coward for anything involving Alijah.
There isn't any reason for you to want me once we find Lilith, so whatever affection you may have, it won't outlast the love you have for your dead lover. Yes, the only reason you responded to me back in the cave must've been a lapse in judgment, and it must be the same thing happening now.
Or maybe you're lonely after all your years in solitary, and I'm a potentially warm body.
There was no way those kisses or this demeanor meant anything other than physical pleasure. However, when those thoughts crossed my mind, I felt warm from remembering how he felt on my lips.
Woah! This is dangerous! Don't go there, Rem!
Even though it burned like crazy, I didn't rip up my bandages, fearing that would make Alijah angrier than he was. He had all the right to be bothered by all of this.
Ever since the cave… this is all because I couldn't control myself back then.
I didn't differ from all the women who were after him. Unlike them, I didn't care if I conceived a child with him. All I wanted was…
Make you smile and all mine—something that will never be.
However, that thought made me wonder if he knew why he didn't conceive all those years ago. Lycans born under the blood moon were rare, occurring only twice, with Dad and Alijah being the only two known cases.
They were also born sterile until the following red moon, which activated their powers and reproductive capabilities. Few scientific advancements occurred during Alijah's time, which meant they never knew he couldn't father anything.
This wolf was probably unaware of why all the girls who ravished him never bore a pup.
All their efforts were in vain, which meant they tortured you for no reason at all. Argh! No, those people all deserve eternal punishment!
An hour passed before I struggled to find my way out of bed as the grumpy wolf watched me closely. The burning had gotten to the point I couldn't ignore it anymore, yet when I went for my bandages again, he stood up, closing the gap between us before grabbing my hand.
In response, I winced and shook my head. However, it wasn't from the way he grasped me because of the stitches that were becoming more of a bother with every second that passed. It was apparent Wyatt hadn't used the special ones that Lycans used, which were made from a degradable material so our cells could break down quickly.
Heck, they probably don't even exist in this village.
Humans, with their alchemy, had made them, much like many other valuable items, yet in an elf-dominated region, I could tell why they wouldn't be readily available—that and their cost was much more than expected.
That magicless science brought many gifts and horrors, one of which was gunfire. This development made the elves unhappy, yet they couldn't intervene. Not even the council could do anything about it.
When Alijah noticed my discomfort, he ripped off the bandages in one swift movement, faster than I could.
"What the fuck?" His eyes narrowed before heading outside of the room.
Even though I should've felt relief that he was going to find me comfort, it hurt to see him not react to my bare chest.
Yes, what happened in the cave must've been a hiccup for you. After all, I'm nothing to aim for. This isn't the first time you've seen it, either. What the heck do I expect? Even in my dreams…
Sitting on the bed again, I glanced down at my breast. There, I saw my spherical birthmark had turned pure red, which used to be black. It even radiated warmth—I didn't know what it meant.
A second later, Alijah returned with special scissors to easily remove the sutures. He observed Wyatt the entire time he worked on me, allowing him to navigate more easily. The moment his hands touched my skin to remove the stitches, I shivered.
Luckily, he focused on his task rather than how I reacted to him, which made it feel like torture to feel him so close yet far. I struggled to keep my hands from pushing him away as he relieved me of every stitch in the front of my body.
Once done in the front, Alijah moved to my back, where I subconsciously yelped when his fingers touched me, triggering his ears to twitch.
"Did that hurt?" He grumbled, triggering me to shake my head.
"N-No! It didn't!" I quickly clarified, shifting my gaze to him before turning so he could see my back better.
A soft sigh left his lips as I found myself pinned onto the bed a second later while he traced his fingers on my back. Shivers ran down my body when a small chuckle left him while he snipped the stitches he found there before throwing the scissors to the side.
I thought it was over, though my heart stopped when he pressed himself against me.
Is this payback for my orders or for attacking you in the cave? My heart…
"You... have such cute reactions to me. Why, Rem?" Alijah asked, freezing me where I was.
Ah! Why can't I hide things better?!
I doubted he knew how I truly felt, but it was apparent he noticed how he could make me react, which wasn't good.
No, Rem, Alijah isn't stupid. It's obvious how I feel about you kissing you in that cave. Damn it, no! You can't know!
"I don't—" I stopped at the sound of a door opening outside.
In an instant, Alijah got off me, allowing me to put on my shirt as a familiar voice erupted from the wooden walls, sending my brain into overdrive.
"Caden! What are you doing?! You can't just go into people's homes!" Aiden scolded my brother, who was dangerously close to finding us.
Instinctively, I grabbed Alijah, dragging him onto the bed before using my hand to cover his mouth.
Crap! Nothing is going right! Of course, they will be right behind me at every step!
Noticing my demeanor, Alijah stayed still. All while behind the closed door, a scene unfolded.