(Baelon's POV)
I crawled into bed with Helaena, she was deep asleep. There was nothing but an overwhelming feeling of guilt and regret inside me.
I could not believe what I had just done; I slept with Rhaenyra....behind her back....
I gently wrapped my arms around Helaena's waist from behind and patted her stomach, feeling her stir awake.
"Mm....w-what...?" She said groggily as she turned to look at me, "Baelon? What is it, love? I thought you were in your chambers tonight..."
I pressed my face against her shoulder, "I..." I said softly, my voice shaky, "I am sorry...."
"What...?" She said softly, "What happened?"
"I...." I started, "I...was....with Rhaenyra..."
"Oh." She said as she slowly turned around, "And...what happened?"
"I could not hold myself back...." I said as a tear formed in my eye, "I....I bedded her...."
"Oh...." she said softly, "My love.....why are are apologizing?"
"Does that not bother you?" I asked her
She patted my cheek and leaned towards me, kissing my lips briefly before embracing me.
"No." She simply said, "She, too, is your wife. But enough of that, if you wish to sleep here....then let us do so. We will talk more on the morrow."
She then cuddled up to me and closed her eyes, drifting back to sleep.
I could not believe how nonchalant she was about this. I slept with another woman who was not her, how could she not have an issue with this?
Sleep? I could not sleep.
I let my urges get the best of me, I am supposed to be better than that! I am supposed to be disciplined, I am supposed to be hers, only Helaena's!
Then why....?
Why did this happen?
*************
I looked over at the sea, sitting in a rock above the Dragonmont. I felt the wind hit the side of my head as Balerion's distant rumbling was heard.
I was still processing what had just happened and I could feel nothing but an insurmountable amount of guilt. I did not know what I was thinking, I just felt frustrated and angry.....but for some reason, I let myself be taken in by the lust and laid with Rhaenyra.
I could not accept this. I simply could not. Why would I do something so foolish.
I clenched my fists tightly, "Unacceptable...."
"What are you doing here, Baelon?" I turned to see Helaena standing a few feet away from me
"Helaena..." I said, "You should not be outside, it's rather windy and usually it picks up even more. You could trip and fall...."
"I will be fine, Baelon." She said as I stood up and walked over to her, "I am concerned about you."
"What?" I asked
"You are rather stressed, I know you did not sleep much." She said as she grabbed my hand, "Is it bothering you that much? What you did?"
"I...." I said, "Yes...."
She kissed my hand, "My love..." She said, "She is also your wife, it was unavoidable. But you should not have left her by herself.....you should have stayed with her, to comfort each other."
"I could not." I said
She looked at me, "You know..." She said, "I want you, even now.....I want you. But the truth is, we must be careful. And to relieve the tension that this castle has...I had no choice but ensure that the two of you talked. Well, you did not talk.....rather....you know.."
"You wanted this to happen?" I asked her
"I wanted the two of you to talk and slowly progress your relationship, that is all." She said, "But this...this could be a major step for what I want."
"I did not want that..." I said, "I am so sorry, Helaena....I did not know what I was thinking....."
She grabbed my collar and pulled me down to her. Without doing anything else, she kissed my lips and I immediately wrapped my arms around her, embracing her as I kissed her back.
After a few moments of kissing, she pulled away, giving me a blissful look, "You are merely stressed." She said softly, "If it makes you feel better, I will be yours tonight. But promise me one thing, that you will speak to her more often."
"I do not know...." I started, "I...."
"Make no mistake, love." She said, "It is only her that you should not feel guilty about. For anybody else then these feelings are valid. But for now, because it is her, then pay no mind to them."
I sighed, "If you say so."
"You truly do look stressed, Baelon." She said as she placed the back of her hand on my forehead, "You should have Maester Gerardys brew you some teas to help you sleep. Maybe tonight will not be good, I am worried...."
"N-No, tonight..." I said, "I promise I will be gentle..."
She smiled, "I know you will." She said, "But I am serious, you do not seem like yourself. You need rest, love."
"I need...." I said as I blinked,
"R-Right, I need rest."
**************
I groaned as I leaned on the table, "Fuck....." I said as I rubbed my temples, "I cannot.....I cannot handle this right now..."
It was later that night after Helaena and I laid together. It did not take long and I held myself back, wanting her to get some rest. It was intimate, yes, but it was as far as I was willing to go.
I still had nothing but guilt in me and I could not help but feel terrible during the whole thing. Helaena may be alright with this, but I cannot bring myself to also be okay with it.
"I drank Moon Tea, Baelon." I heard Rhaenyra say
I looked over to see her standing in the doorway of my chambers, wearing her nightgown.
"O-Oh, Rhaenyra...." I said before clearing my throat, "R-Right...."
She walked over to the table, "Are you feeling well? You look terrible..." she said softly as she placed her hand on my shoulder, "You should get some rest."
I pulled away and stood up, "I...." I said, "I am fine."
She frowned, "Are you sure?"
I nodded as I stepped away, "Y-Yes...." I said, "Why did you take the tea?"
She placed her hands in front of her, "I did not think it appropriate to have.....well, you know." She said, "I am still fertile...."
"Yes...." I said as I looked away, "Right.....t-that was a mistake, what we did...."
"Is that how you feel?" She asked me
"I do not know how I feel..." I said as I looked at her, "I just want things back to normal."
She nodded, "Very well..." She said before walking away
"R-Rhaenyra." I called her
She stopped and turned around, "Yes?"
"I am sorry...." I said, "For pinning you against the wall, I was.....not in my right mind...."
"It is fine." She said softly, "Do not worry too much about it, Baelon. Just get some sleep."
"Right...." I said
A few moments later, she was gone and I was left alone in my room.
I let out a sigh, "What in the hells..." I said,
"What is wrong with me?"