Confirmed. Unique Skill: Cherubim – Acquisition Success![Note: Allows the user to perceive magic flows, including hidden skills. In dire situations, eyes will appear anywhere on the user's body as needed. Yes, anywhere.]
Confirmed. Sub Skill: Imitation Magic – Acquisition Success![Note: Using Cherubim, the user can copy another person's magic skill. Yes, even Karen's passive-aggressive aura.]
Confirmed. Extra Skill: Sympathetic Magic – Acquisition Success![Note: Allows user to copy a target's magic personality and stuff it into a puppet. Anything that happens to the puppet happens to the person. Basically, Voodoo, but with extra steps.]
"Skill?" I croaked, mostly to myself, still paralyzed in a red glowing circle like I was the world's edgiest pizza topping.
Then I heard it.
"We've done it!" a cultist yelled, raising a thick blue book like it was the freaking Book of World Records. "It's beginning! World domination starts today! One puppet now, but soon… an army of unstoppable warriors!"
Okay. I'd been in weird situations before—cosplay accidents, bad dates, that one time I got locked in a porta-potty during Comic-Con—but this was new. The circle around me was fading, and I could wiggle a finger. Hope!
But then I heard:"Wait… isn't his horn kind of… weird?"
Ain't it just, buddy.
"It's… lopsided," another said.
I'd love to clarify, but newsflash, it's FAKE. Foam. Cosplay-grade. Not a dark artifact or whatever twisted Pinterest board this cult pulled from.
The lead nutjob strolled toward me, blue book abandoned. His smile said "I'm about to do something stupid and feel real good about it."
"I shall now bind him with taming magic!" he declared.
Taming? Like I'm a stray dog?! EXCUSE me?
He raised a glowing hand—yellow light, very magical, very threatening. And very ineffective.
He stood frozen mid-pose, staring at me like I just mooned him in public.
"Problem, Cain?" asked an older robed dude with a shiny bald dome and the patience of a substitute teacher during finals week.
Cain—the bald one with the taming spell—shook his head quickly. "N-no! Just concentrating! Big spell! Gotta be precise!"
He tried again. Glowy hand. Dramatic stare.
Still nothing.
Me? I was now 90% mobile. I scratched my head casually, which sent sweat pouring down Cain's forehead like Niagara Falls on speed.
"Cain, the circle's almost gone! Hurry it up!"
Cain faked a calm nod. "Yes, yes… it's all under control."
Spoiler: it wasn't.
Meanwhile, nine other middle-aged men took their hoods off. It was like a Dungeons & Dragons dads' night gone wildly off-script.
Then Cain suddenly spun around and said, "Actually, maybe instead of using magic to subdue him, we… ask politely?"
Nine identical stares.
"Like, demonstrate our worth. Win his favor. You know, vibes."
One of them asked, deadpan, "Do you have a backup plan?"
Cain: "We could… weaken him first?"
Everyone: collective nod of "We have no better idea."
Cain raised his staff again. "Come forth! Frost Tiger! Black Poison Boa!"
Two portals ripped open beside me. Out came a white tiger the size of a van and a snake that looked like it once ate a bus and had room for dessert.
…I'm sorry. What kind of world is this?!
The circle was 95% gone, but there was still an invisible wall around me. Time to stall.
I stood up straight, puffed my chest, and boomed, "FOOLISH MORTALS! You dare awaken me?!"
They paused, visibly shook.
"You will face a death so agonizing, your souls will take notes just to scream better!"
I pointed dramatically.
Clenched fist.
Cain: visibly shaking. "Okay, new plan—let's just murder him and summon someone less… unpredictable."
The other nine: "Agreed."
And boom—fireballs. Lots of them. A literal storm of magic was flying toward me. Meanwhile, Boa the Devourer and Elsa the Tiger of Death lunged right at me.
The red light blinked out—and so did I. I yeeted myself sideways with the reflexes of a caffeinated squirrel.
The snake slammed where I stood a second ago.
Confirmed: Fire Magic Skill Imitated – Acquisition Success![User may now conjure and control fire based on mana strength and how dramatic they feel at the time.]
Perfect.
The fireball barrage stopped. Maybe they wanted to check if I was toast.
Spoiler: not toast.
I stood, extended my hand, and whispered:"Fire Magic."
What followed was... overkill.
A blazing inferno exploded from my hand. What was supposed to be a straight flame beam became a room-cleansing firestorm. Walls ignited. The air caught fire. Someone's robe burst before they even screamed.
I yanked my hand back.
"NOPE. Too much! TOO MUCH!"
Everything in the room sizzled. Monster steaks, cultist flambé, whole villain arc: roasted.
I made a break for the door. Gotta go, gotta go, gotta—wait.
Smoke. Screaming. Crawling.
Cain. The man, the myth, the burnt marshmallow.
His body was basically charcoal with regrets, and he was trying to cast another spell. His hand glowed yellow-green.
Confirmed: Healing Magic Unlocked![User may heal one person at a time. Preferably someone less crispy.]
Cain was trying to patch himself up, but it wasn't enough.
"I tried… to save the Black Magic Castle…" he wheezed. "It had wards… protection spells…"
And yet it burned faster than my last relationship.
I stood over him, then muttered, "Yeah, this place was clearly fire-code noncompliant."
He wheezed again.
"That artifact… the summoning gate… gone…"
Heh. So the only thing that could've sent me back home was now ash. Because of them.
Because I lit it up trying not to die.
Oops?
Cain stopped moving. I turned and jogged through the halls of what used to be a terrifying temple and was now more "discount haunted house on fire."
"THE KNIGHTS ARE HERE!" someone shouted in the distance.
I froze. "Knights?!"
I pictured dudes in armor yelling "Halt, villain!" and skewering me before I could say "wrong address."
I rubbed my chin. "Okay. I just wiped out a cult, torched their base, and mimicked three skills by accident. If I stay… they'll probably either arrest me, dissect me, or worse… recruit me."
Yeah. No thanks.
Plan: Exit Stage Left.
Time to find a way out, learn how to use this busted skill tree, and maybe—maybe—get some answers without fireballs in my face.